Yard Sale Monkey
A while back I had a strange thing happen to me. I was checking out a local yard sale and there it was, a living, breathing monkey smoking a cigarette with a post-it note on its forehead that read: “$20”.
“Excuse me are you really selling a monkey?” I asked the old man that was in charge of the second-hand sale.
“That’s right.” He replied as he spit a wad of tobacco on the grass. “You wanna buy it or what?”
“I’m not sure my lease allows it. And it has a smoking habit.”
“He has a job, he buys his own smokes.”
I woke up the next day noticing something was odd about my monkey. He looked different. I mean he was the same just that something wasn’t quite right.
The third day I figured out what it was: my monkey was growing and the change has suddenly become exponential. He also required more and more food, which was becoming a big problem, especially with rent due soon.
After a week, my monkey was huge, and I had to keep him outside. He also was becoming an attraction. I became worried about what would happen. The feeling wouldn’t last long.
In the middle of the night I awoke to the sound of the roof of my house being ripped off. The monkey stared at me and roared.
“Calm down monkey!” I yelled hoping to settle his fears. Something was getting him riled up.
I put on my smoking jacket and as I stepped out the front door, a crown of onlookers with pitches and torches were yelling at him. This wasn’t good. My monkey was very agitated now.
Suddenly a woman came forward from the crowd and got the monkey’s attention. He roared again and grabbed her, taking off down the street.
I ran downtown with the rest of the angry mob. Well, we walked fast because of the torches and pitchforks. When we got there, we saw a path of destruction and mayhem. Cars were turned over. Fire hydrants were shooting geysers of water. A man was running around on fire. There always seems to be one in every disaster.
Part of me was in shock, but another side of me was like “Wow!! I spent twenty bucks for a rampaging monkey!”
When we got to the tallest building in town, my monkey had already climbed to the top. Planes were shooting at him and he lost his balance, tumbling to the street below and shaking me out of slumber.
It was all a dream.
But I awoke sitting in that same yard sale, clutching a copy of the ‘King Kong’ DVD with a post-it note on my forehead that read: “$20”. I was also surrounded by chimps and apes.
(Reprinted from former blog)
