tomorrow never dies

Every time I see an Elvis impersonator I follow him around to see if he dies on the toilet.

Tomorrow Never Dies was on television last night and I forgot how ridiculously over-the-top it was, even for a Bond film. The clichés were even horrible, like CSI: Miami horrible.

So a guy jumped into a panda cage at a zoo in China for some cuddling time. The idiot got attacked and bitten but was saved by zoo keepers. Darwin rolled over in his grave.

I saw an ad on tv for the Slanket, or something similar. This looks like the perfect gift for a monk or a Jedi Knight.

I heard an ad on the radio recently advertising the new wireless Amber Alerts and it got me thinking: why not add prizes and incentives to the mix? They already offer rewards for other crimes so why not child abduction?

“Be the first to call in with an accurate tip and win $100. Everyone who calls will also be entered into a drawing for a trip to Hawaii.”

What if one of the early humans learned to talk before the rest of them? What if that person was also a woman?

Wife: Hi honey.
Husband: ungh
Wife: Wait until I tell you about my day.
Husband: ungh
Wife: You never listen to me anymore.

At the Miller Park Zoo in Illinois you can buy Christmas ornaments made from reindeer crap.

Staffers make decorations out of droppings from the zoo’s two reindeer, Ealu and Rika. The droppings are dried, then clear-coated and either painted or rolled in glitter.

Put something in a pretty package and people will buy it. Even shit.

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