So there’s a big deal being made about this story out of Norwich, Connecticut:

A sense of disappointment filled the air Tuesday as Lebanon Middle School students exercised through a gym session that participants thought would feature prominent professional athletes.

The event was held to reward students who participated in the NFL-sponsored Fuel up to Play 60 program. In exchange for their school’s high participation rate — more than 50 percent of the students signed on to the program — they were promised the chance to meet New England Patriots football players, as well as the opportunity to challenge a set of exercise stations.

What they got was an intern and some workout videos.

No, not the Spygate intern.

It turns out the faux pas was an assumption on the school’s gym teacher’s part that they would win a meet-and-greet with Patriot players.

The school actually won a presentation on kick boxing. And some lucky kid won an autographed Fred Taylor jersey.

An hour later that same child went on the DL with a shoulder injury.

So who else were they promised?

Perhaps Arlen Specter, the scary senator from Pennsylvania was supposed to show up. Sadly he did not take the bait of an intern with a video. There will be no Spygate II.

Then again, maybe Arlen isn’t someone who should be talking to children. He frightens them.

"Make the scary man go away!"

What about Lawrence Taylor, the once-feared linebacker for the New York Giants?

Kids could have asked L.T. if he heard Joe Theismann’s leg snap in half.

Unfortunately, he had to cancel due to some legal issue involving the snorting of lines off a runaway prostitute’s back or something like that, allegedly of course.

Slim Goodbody was supposed to be there.

Actually, he called them repeatedly but was turned down when it was discovered that none of the students knew who the hell Slim Goodbody was.

So that’s the truth behind the curtain. Now we know what really happened.

(H/T to Radioactive Liberty for the Specter picture.)

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At HBFFL, the official fantasy football league for humor bloggers we have a contest to pick the NFL playoff results. This year the loser had to write a blog post for the winner.

Going into the Super Bowl I was tied for first place in the predictions with Unfinished Rambler and one ahead of Renal Failure. Both of them picked the Saints. Could I have also picked New Orleans and thus cement at least a tie?

Yes, but like that onside kick to open the second half I played gutsy and picked the Colts. Besides, it’s Peyton Manning. The guy never makes crucial mistakes at the worst possible moment.

Whoops. Oh well. Here’s my post. Enjoy.

Life Begins at Un-Retirement

NFL player Junior Seau recently announced his retirement from pro football for the fourth time breaking Brett Favre’s record.

For now.

Read the rest…

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After a week of Congressional busy-bodying into baseball and football, it was refreshing to find out they replayed the Super Bowl and the Patriots won!

That was until I realized it actually was a gift to the citizens of Nicaragua by a charity.

Nothing is more uplifting to the downtrodden then t-shirts of losing teams. I bet the same people behind this stupid idea are the ones who think there shouldn’t be score keeping in Little League.

And how often is this done anyways? Are there millions of people with almost-championship apparel? If I ran one of these countries, I’d convince the population that the teams really did win. Imagine the fun the tourists will have trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Since the third world is allowed to misremember the outcomes of sporting events can we do the same with members of Congress grilling athletes? Or should I say brown-nosing.

The amount of ass-kissing in Roger Clemens’ direction had me wondering if maybe Winstrol wasn’t the cause of Roger’s butt abscesses. The winner of the political grandstand award of the week however goes to Arlen Specter who met with Roger Goodell this week to discuss Spygate.

Of course these are very important issues which demand our leaders’ attention. We can see it causing problems in our lives. I ran into an old friend recently who is a teacher. She told me the children have a new game where they run around the playground trying to stick each other in the buttocks with dirty needles used by homeless people.

The kids call it The Rocket Game. See what I mean?

Thankfully, it turns out there are some things in sports we might actually want to remember this week.

Curly from the Harlem Globetrotters got his number retired at Madison Square Garden and that brings up the obvious question: Would they beat an NBA team?

I don’t know. They could probably beat Memphis but not Boston. Maybe Cleveland. Something like that might be a good idea for the NBA All-Star festivities this weekend.

So how about the Globetrotters versus the NBA’s best players instead? Have that be the All-Star game.

Nevermind. Stupid idea. It would be over at half-time.

Just misremember that last one.
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Being a Patriots fan, I was hoping to avoid talking about football this week. Let’s face it the loss was a bitter pill to swallow. New England didn’t execute on defense when they needed to. The Giants played really well and their defensive line never let up the pressure.

The New York Giants deserve the championship.

Did I mention the Celtics are contenders? Even the Bruins too? The Red Sox return with almost their entire championship roster intact. Well, except Curt Schilling’s shoulder but who knows what the hell is going on there. We have three more leagues to try and win championships in before this year is over. We even have the Revolution, our MLS soccer team as a backup. You won’t get rid of us that easily all you sports fans from other cities.

Oh, and the Patriots have the #7 overall pick in the NFL 2008 Draft. Just saying.

So the NFL is considering changing the postseason format:

“In the early stages of Goodell’s plan, which would require the owners’ longshot approval, the bottom two division winners by record in each conference would go on the road the first week if they have a worse mark than the wild-card teams.”

The argument is it gives teams less room to sit players in the last couple weeks of the season. As a fantasy football enthusiast I like it because I will have one less thing to think about on draft day. Having the #1 pick not play in week sixteen because he’s on the fourth-best team in the NFL sucks.

In reality football it is an odd idea. An NFL team can lose all six of their divisional games and still make the playoffs as it stands. Now they could get a first-round home game to boot? I guess it makes sense from a parity standpoint but it waters down the meaning of winning the division.

I agree with the article. This has little chance of passing.

Until Roger Goodell made playoff formats an issue, the talk all week was about whether Super Bowl XLII was the best-ever. From the viewpoint of the Giant fan, the casual fan, the advertisers, FOX network it surely was. From the Patriot fan’s perspective, not so much.

It was a close game with a lot of drama throughout, something you don’t see every year. Sure there was XXX with Pittsburgh vs. Dallas and a late interception thrown by Neil O’Donnell. There was XXXII with Denver vs. Green Bay and a classic example of why you don’t let the other team score so you have more time for your offense. There was XXXIV with St. Louis vs. Tennessee and the Titans a yard-and-a-half away from tying the game at the end.

For every one of those games, there is a 34-7 stinker like in XXXV with the Ravens and the Giants. Or a 46-10 mauling of the Patriots in XX by the Bears. You never know what you will get.

Super Bowl XLII might not be the best-ever but it belongs as one of them, perhaps as high as top-five.

Top-three if the Patriots won.
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I sat in the second row at the Meadowlands, one Sunday night, for a nationally-televised game in professional football hell. Was it the Giants during the Ray Handley era? You might have an argument there. Hell, any video anthology of the Giants just skips right over those years.

“..and when Bill Parcells retired, then came Dan Reeves…”

Was it the Patriots/Eagles game back in the late 90’s in Philadelphia? No, but being in the environment of such hostile fans despite the fact there is no rivalry would be close. Those people booed Santa Claus when he came out to kick field goals at halftime for crying out loud.

Tough crowd.

But no, I am talking about real hell.

“Sure, I’ll go to an XFL game.” I replied to my buddy Nick not knowing what I was getting myself into.

For those who don’t remember this one-hit wonder, the XFL was a professional football league created by Vince McMahon that consisted of eight teams stocked with players not thought to be talented enough to make the NFL or even the CFL. The experiment lasted just one season.

The match-up on the slate this night was the New York/New Jersey Hitmen vs. the Chicago Enforcers. I think they polled fantasy football enthusiasts or nine-year-olds for team names. You had The Thunderbolts, The Rage, and The Xtreme which on a side note always reminded me of the movie Twister.

We arrived there and it was cold as balls. Strike one. That’s okay, we figured, we’ll just keep warm with beer.

Wrong.

The XFL had a policy: no alcohol sales at games. I’m an adult watching sports. No beer is like sex with a hooker without the condom. It just makes zero sense.

So there we were, with our hot chocolate like we were at a Pee Wee football game while the teams are getting in position for the opening kickoff. I’m wondering why they are putting the ball in the middle of the field. Oh my God, it’s a scrum for it. Whoever gets there first gets possession. It’s like the world’s slowest face-off.

Is that a nickname on the back of that guy’s jersey? And who the hell are all these people? I think I remember that Maddox guy from somewhere but everyone else I don’t recognize.

“Is the game over?” I asked after what seemed like twenty punts each side and a score that was like 3-0.
“No, it’s like three minutes into the first quarter.” Nick replied.
“Dude I can’t feel my toes.”

So remember that the next time someone gives you tickets to a Knicks, Dolphins, or a Royals game don’t complain. It could be worse.

Much worse.
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