blogger interviews

Welcome to ‘Bloggers Speak‘ where I sit down with other humor bloggers and ask them a bunch of crazy and odd questions. Today I am joined by a newcomer to the blogsphere, Julius Bloop from the humor blog Julius Bloop.

How’s it hanging Julius?

Pretty great when I’m awake enough to enjoy life. And when I’m not thinking about things. Or doing stuff. Other than that, yeah, it’s hanging great!

Why would a man on a Harley be wearing a diaper and panty hose?

Um…because he’s wants an erection! Hello?

If Hollywood could make a sequel to any movie or another sequel what would be their worst choice and what would the plot be?

McDonalds, because first of all, it’s not a movie - it’s a fast food restaurant. Secondly, what are you going to serve at McDonald’s 2? Chinese food? It just makes no sense. But, it does make me want some drivethru Chinese food. Hey, I wonder if McDonalds 2 is open?

Van Halen question- Sammy or Dave?

Well, Dave might as well jump because Sammy can’t drive 55 so I figure the answer probably has something to do with the golden ratio. Although, I think if some radioactive goop spilled on their heads and made their hair sentient - Sammy’s hair would wrap around Dave’s like an anaconda and choke every last puffy cuticle out of his spandex-wearing scalp. Sammy’s hair wins.

What would America be like if Paris Hilton was President?

Oh, it would be vastly different. A rich and spoiled brat would rule the free world and her lack of experience wouldn’t matter. Heck, people would have voted her in based on her looks and political ties in spite of her alarmingly low level of intelligence. Oh, it would be much different indeed. My stars!

Someone makes the discovery that semen can be used as an alternative fuel source. How does the government attempt to regulate it?

You know those huge water towers that are in every town? And they usually have the name of the town written on it in huge letters? Well, basically the government would ignore those and just put more semen in Gatorade.

If you could create your own court procedural drama what would it focus on?

It would be a cross between Judge Judy, Law & Order, and Night Court. Except instead of being about the judiciary system, it’d just be a sassy old woman solving crimes in a hilarious manner. “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me he’s guilty!”

What should we do about the French?

I’ve never met a French, nor have I visited their homeland because I don’t like the tundra. They’re the ones that hunt whales and burn their blubber for heat, right? I’ve never met a whale either - I wonder if there are gay whales? Wow, this glue smells great!

Thanks for taking the time to do this Julius. Any final thoughts?

(Editor’s Note: I think he passed out from the glue.)

Julius’ question for the readers:

Can I borrow some money? Like a lot of it? Pretty much all you have and some of your parent’s? Most of your parents? All of your parents. Hey, can I borrow your parents?!

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If you would like to be interviewed hit me up and we will make it happen. My only requirement is that you actually be funny and you have a blog. Boring interviews don’t make for good ones around here.

Visit the home for funny blogs, Humor-blogs.com. They are the funniest blog directory on the internet. They even have a version for computers.

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Welcome to ‘Bloggers Speak‘ where I sit down with other humor bloggers and ask them a bunch of crazy and odd questions. Today I am joined by none other than my ‘boss’ and very funny political humor-ist Fiar from Radioactive Liberty.

How’s it hanging Fiar?

Well, I’ve been stuck on a loop watching the Easy Curves infomercial, so you tell me. It’s just mesmerizing. They should give that a Grammy, a Tony, an Oscar, or an Elmo. Whatever kind of award it is that brilliant masterpieces get. Give it the Nobel too. I’m so glad Al Gore invented the internet.

Worst movie sequel ever made?

Every single solitary Star Wars movie. You see, to make a sequel, first you have to make a movie that doesn’t suck, and deserves a follow up. Star Wars was an abomination. So, it’s utterly pointless that there was ever even one sequel - never mind 12 or 76 or however many atrocious Star Wars movies there are. Now the Easy Curves infomercial, on the other hand, certainly warrants a sequel.

Why is a tin hat ok but a head scarf not ok if you are an Obama disciple?

You see, a tin hat reflects the death rays of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Machine. A head scarf conjures up images of Obama’s father’s heritage, and we’re not supposed to acknowledge that Barack Henry Obama is technically a Muslim by birth. In all honesty, this is only a problem inasmuch as the terrorists believe that turning your back on Islam should be punishable by death. So, no biggie. I hope he picks a good VP.

Van Halen question- Sammy or Dave?

Let me take this opportunity to say that the rumors permeating the internet are not true. I don’t masturbate that often. I’m not some kind of freak. Wait, what was the question? Oh, right. My vote goes to whichever one directed the Easy Curves infomercial. I think that was Dave.

If the Presidential Election was decided with a fist-fight who wins, Obama or McCain and what would the match be like?

Well, Obama would be running around crying and pissing his pants like a terrified little girl, and blubbering about “diplomacy” and “unconditional surrender,” But McCain might forget where he is and why, so it’s a draw.

What celebrity would you curse with a plague and why?

David Hasselhoff. I just want to punch that guy in the face every time I see him. He actually claimed to have been part of the inspiration for tearing down the Berlin Wall, because he performed there. I suppose it’s possible the German people just couldn’t bear the memory of his torturous performance there, but that’s nothing to brag about.

What would be the funniest way to kill a hippie moonbat?

Well, the best way is to spike their tofu with arsenic. I just love the irony of their precious “healthy” tofu killing them. But the funniest way has to be beating hippies. They’re so opposed to violence, so I just love the look on their face when they die by the thing they most fear. I think that Easy Curves thing should work pretty good at beating hippies with.

If you could create your own court procedural drama what would it focus on?

What do you mean, like Law and Order? I think it would focus on the making of the Easy Curves infomercial and beating hippies. It’s a formula that can’t lose.

Thanks for taking the time to do this Fiar. Any final thoughts?

I hate you. I hate the stupid look on your face. I hate the odd smell you always have.

I meant to say, Easy Curves! And remember kids, masturbation will not make you go blind. That’s just a lie parents tell their kids because they don’t want them to enjoy themselves in the safety of their own homes.

Oh, and uh. Thanks for the interview I suppose.

Fiar’s question for the readers:

Why are you still here? Did you not see the link to Easy Curves?

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Welcome to ‘Bloggers Speak’ the on-going Angry Seafood feature where I sit down with other humorists and ask them a bunch of crazy and odd questions. Today I am joined by LOBO from the humor blog Predator Press and this time around there’s a bit of a political/geo-political angle.

How’s it hangin’ LOBO?

Wow I’m glad you brought that up. It’s actually tanning in the backyard, and I forgot to set the egg timer.

Worst movie trilogy of all time?

Honestly, I can’t thing of a good one. Lord of the Rings maybe? Fifteen nonstop hours of little teeny bigfoots obsessed with jewelry seems rather grueling. Middle Earth needed a ‘hood’:

Frodo: “Yo man, Golem just lifted my bling.”

Sam: “Aight. We’ll go pop a cap in his ass after that tight Aerosmith babe crosses over us on this here rickety wooden bridge one more time. Did you know Rivendell has eighty-seven translations for ‘panties’?”

Frodo: “Word.”

Is Canada still an active country?

I just checked a satellite image and it appears to still be just north of us, exactly where it was when I was in Geography class.

-At this point I would conclude that it isn’t going anywhere.

Who was funnier, Hitler or Che?

Neither. In fact those guys we so un-funny, they grew mustaches in advance so we couldn’t even “funny them up” on the posters.

Mao. Now that’s a guy with a great sense of humor.

Van Halen question- Sammy or Dave?

Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave. “The best parties are the ones where you are the least interesting person there.” Without Dave, I’m sure ‘Mammoth’ would’ve been a good band, but that’s all. Dave did the guerilla marketing to get Van Halen on the map, and completely reinvented the live performance. Those slurry licks trailing out on Drop Dead Legs still give me goose bumps, and I never would’ve heard ‘em if not for Dave. Sure maybe he was a jerk. But he had a vision and ran with it; Sammy merely drove off with in the trunk at 54 mph.

Which celebrity would you curse with a plague and why? (Can’t answer Ryan Seacrest or anyone from American Idol)

Paris Hilton and/or what’s-her-face from “A Simple Life.” I don’t like a premise that revolves around rich flakes making fun of the working class. It’s sickening. I keep hoping there’s an episode where Charlize Theron pounces out and beats them both to death with a tire iron. And while plagues are nice, freezing them in liquid nitrogen to chip off small pieces while squishing your toes in the goo seems more gratifying.

Would invading Panama to take back the Canal help oil prices?

When Panama was released by Van Halen in 1984 –circa David Lee Roth I might add- vinyl records were made of oil. But the experience of producing my Spanish Fly Industrial Complex CDs revealed that oil is still required for production no matter how unpronounceable the country your sweatshop is located. And once Paris Hilton’s pager goes off, well, you do the math.

Someone makes the discovery that semen can be used as an alternative fuel source. Good or bad for the porn industry?

Well that’s just good for everybody.

Thanks for taking the time to hang out with Angry Seafood. Any final thoughts LOBO?

Well thanks for having me; I’m a big fan. And special thanks to Al Gore for making this moment possible; the creation of the Internet has given us something that will one day doubtlessly be regarded as a giant Evolutionary step, and the unmatched ability to instantly communicate with the other side of the planet rivals telepathy. This will alter the species. Thanks to Gore’s invention, we can now more efficiently harvest our beloved planet to the husk of every succulent last morsel via satellite, move and track the resources by vigilant computers using tightly-followed timetables, and calculate the diminishing supply against the search for other worlds deserving of our Enlightened Control.

And always remember: Use pornography for good. Never evil.

LOBO’s question for the readers:

Was that my egg timer going off?

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