I have about a thousand pictures on my hard drive and I’d like to share every one of them with you now.

Don’t click away I was just kidding. I only have five hundred.

This reminds me of a family I waited on the other day: a mother, father, and their one-year-old baby. They did nothing but take pictures of the kid. When they were not taking stills they were shooting video.

The parental paparazzi took a break thankfully when the entrees hit the table but it was a short respite. Later on, we had to all go out and sing happy birthday to a one-year-old with the digital camera and video rolling.

Their Facebook page must be a lot of fun to read…

Crazy parent updated her status…”baby looked at me and smiled”

Crazy parent updated her status…”baby looked at me and threw up.”

Unlike parents who record every waking moment of their child’s existence I’ll try not to bore you with my pictures.

Do you realize how long it took me to pee into all those Dixie cups?

Go ahead. Try and keep this image out of your head while using a public stall.

Those are not chills running down your spine, just the venom working its way through the bloodstream into the central nervous system.

Real men don’t use penis enlargement pumps or pills. They pull automobiles with their junk instead.

Rape the fromage? That is one scary cheese grater.

Just a hunch but I am guessing she is not sitting home alone on Saturday nights. And not the kind of woman you throw out of bed for eating crackers I might add.

The camera person was smart enough to stay back during this shoot. Good thing because the whale later ate the diver.

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