Humor, Politics, Sports, and a little bit of everything…

Yesterday, Gateway Pundit highlighted how the Alarmists said Global Warming would decrease and increase the amount of fog in San Francisco.

Now it is the coral reefs’ turn on the Merry-Go-Round:

“The polar snap enveloping much of the United States in record cold has been killing off coral reefs in the normally balmy warm waters off the Florida Keys, experts said Monday.”

Somebody get a crapload of soot so we can smear it all over it over the Artic, melt the ice, and warm this planet back up. (This was an actual idea when Global Cooling was in vogue in the 70’s.)

Worse yet, the article did not mention Global Warming at all. Not once. Shame on them for missing a golden opportunity to pull an Al Gore and talk out of both sides of their mouth.

Not to be outdone by the flip-flop on fog however, News-Press.com ran an article Tuesday claiming man-made Climate Change is still the culprit:

“Corals are really in crisis right now,” said Miyoko Sakashita, the center’s oceans director. “They were already undergoing major destruction from fishing practices and pollution. But now global warming and ocean acidification are major threats.”

Apparently, Miyoko Fullashita and the writer, Kevin Lollar did not get the memo about the cooling issue. And here I thought all liberals kept in touch with each other to be sure they all had the same talking points.

Silly me.

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Angry Seafood has a fan page that will not reduce your carbon emissions. But you will get these posts on your Facebook wall if you join up.

Every Lost fan has their theory on what they think the show is about but rarely does anyone ever try and make sense of the main conflict of the show and how it will be resolved: Locke vs. Jack.

I think what will happen first is a “pawn rebellion”. Jack and the Losties will finally realize they are all being conned by Jacob and Smokey’s game and will break off into a third faction.

The Others will be forced to join them because they are afraid of jeopardizing the whole destiny list thing.

Since Smokey does not have Jacob to keep him in check, he will probably try to kill everyone on the island. Jack will lead everyone in the fight to stop the Nemesis and fight him one-on-one in some way.

And just when things look the bleakest, in comes the cavalry, a.k.a. Desmond to help ensure the victory for team Jack.

So what do you think will happen?

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The other day I reported on the phenomenon that is the “Can this pickle get more fans then Nickelback” Facebook Fan Page.

As of 9: 30 EST today, just minutes ago the pickle broke the one million fan mark…

Chad Kroeger could not be reached for comment.

And the movement is getting violent too. Here is exclusive footage of a recent Nickelback concert:

That just seems like a waste of a perfectly good pickle to me.

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Speaking of fan pages, why not join Angry Seafood’s fan page and show Richard Jeni I am funnier then he is. Wait what? He’s dead? Oh then it will be easier.

At HBFFL, the official fantasy football league for humor bloggers we have a contest to pick the NFL playoff results. This year the loser had to write a blog post for the winner.

Going into the Super Bowl I was tied for first place in the predictions with Unfinished Rambler and one ahead of Renal Failure. Both of them picked the Saints. Could I have also picked New Orleans and thus cement at least a tie?

Yes, but like that onside kick to open the second half I played gutsy and picked the Colts. Besides, it’s Peyton Manning. The guy never makes crucial mistakes at the worst possible moment.

Whoops. Oh well. Here’s my post. Enjoy.

Life Begins at Un-Retirement

NFL player Junior Seau recently announced his retirement from pro football for the fourth time breaking Brett Favre’s record.

For now.

Read the rest…

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Join Angry Seafood’s Fan Page and get these posts right on your Facebook Wall, buried among notices that your friends beat up some fake mob or some dumb animal wandered onto their fake farm.

I read blogs like Passive Aggressive Notes and long for even knowing someone who was lucky enough to get one of these things.

Then one of my friends found this on her car:

The questions continued:

“honestly, what purpose did that note serve? it just pissed me off to have that note on my car. i couldn’t move my car? i couldn’t apologize? i couldn’t throw a dodge ball at her? i mean, just useless negativity…

…I mean the parking lot had huge snow curbs and it was like the march of the penguins to park.”

Most people are afraid of confrontation so they turn into pussies and leave pithy notes. That’s what purpose it served.

God help us if we ever get invaded. Instead of fighting back, our invaders will find stupid wimpy notes on their tanks and vehicles.

“Nice invasion job. Next time please only blow up my neighbor’s house instead of mine. What’s wrong with you?”

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I have no idea why Hasbro has decided to completely ruin a classic game. The new Monopoly is a shell of it’s former fun self:

Hasbro has unveiled the design of the new 75th anniversary edition of their classic board game, Monopoly, set to hit stores in fall of 2010. “Monopoly: Revolution Edition” is slick and round instead of dull and square, with debit cards and an ATM instead of paper money and a banker, clear plastic representations of the classic tokens (bye-bye, little boot!), and clips of popular songs (like Rihanna’s “Umbrella,” Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day,” and Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love”) that play after certain actions.

The game board looks like a roulette wheel. The song clips are already over-played. There is no paper money so there is no cheating.

Hey Hasbro there are only two ways to win in Monopoly: lucky die rolls or cheating. And how can you have a game based on the American capitalist system that involves luck but not cheating?

Is this Communopoly?

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I wish I could put one of these ads on a billboard in Massachusetts.

The Internet has been abuzz with rumors that if you drive down Interstate 35 near the town of Wyoming, Minnesota, you’ll see a billboard bearing the image of a smiling George W. Bush accompanied by the question “Miss me yet?”

Turns out it is real.

So who paid for it?

To get some answers, Yahoo! News tracked down Mary McNamara, the general manager at the Minneapolis office of Schubert & Hoey Outdoor Advertising, the company which owns and leases out the billboard space.

“The ad was purchased by a group of small business owners who wish to remain anonymous,” McNamara said. However, McNamara did offer this political bombshell: “Some of the people in the group who paid for this were Obama supporters.”

McNamara told us that the message the group hoped to convey was one of “Hope and change, where is it?”

I guess we can’t blame the ad on Bush since he is in it. Of course the liberals go to Plan B:

Cindy Erickson, the chairwoman of the Democratic Party in Chisago County, where the billboard is located, suspects the ad’s funders are conservative activists posing as Obama supporters.

“I don’t have any idea who did it, but my thought was that they’re Tea Party people,” she said.

Those awful Tea Party people with their bible and gun-clinging ways.

Frankly, I’m surprised Cindy didn’t blame Sarah Palin.Or is that Plan C?

(H/T to ABC News for picture)

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There are awkward work moments, then there are awkward work moments:

A red-faced banker has been caught looking at racy near-nude photographs on his computer, with his actions broadcast live on Australian television.

The Macquarie Private Wealth employee clicked up the images of Australian model Miranda Kerr, unaware a colleague nearby was doing a live television interview about the Australian economy.

Whoops! That’s a really bad place to be looking at racy photos, interview or not. You know what the bald guy is saying?

“HR on line two”

This is Miranda by the way:

Yeah, I wouldn’t throw her out of bed for eating crackers either.

Here’s the video of the interview.

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Get more racy photos at the Angry Seafood Fan Page. Okay, there’s no racy pictures but you can get these posts on your Facebook Wall if you join.

Old Man is an independent movie from Sweven Films about, well an old man. Two, actually. And agent-like bad guys with needles and sunglasses.

Here’s the plot:

Gus Crane, having narrowly escaped from a maximum security nursing facility, is unexpectedly reunited with old wartime buddy, ‘Buster.’ The nursing home, alerted of the escape, has dispatched a duo of deadly CNA’s to find Gus and bring him back to the home…

And the trailer:

Recently I sat down with the actors Mark Battle, who directed Old Man and starred as Gus Crane…

…and John Mason, who starred as Buster.

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Why are all the best zoos overseas? Tell me you would not want to visit this park:

Visiting a wildlife park is often an opportunity to witness nature up close.

But imagine one group of tourist’s surprise when several hungry tigers tucked into a live cow right in front of them.

Tiger One: “Reginald I don’t like dining here.”

Tiger Two: “I agree Mortimer. I feel like everyone is watching us eat.”

At this wildlife park there is even a menu. That cow cost somebody £130. Chickens are pretty cheap though at £3.50 each.

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Be the cow and join someone’s lame MySpace blog page or be a tiger and join Angry Seafood’s FB Fan Page.

Update: See bottom of post.

The gherkin gauntlet has been thrown down on Facebook in the one of the strangest challenge fan pages yet: a pickle facing off against Nickelback:

“Currently Nickelback has 1,380,820 fans. Can this dill pickle tickle your fancy and get more?”

As of this posting the pickle is closing in on 400,000 fans.

Look at all the love for marinated cucumbers:

“nickleback sucks and this pickle rocks”

“man i hate nickleback but i sure love pickles.”

“Nickelback does not add flavor and a delightful crunch to my turkey sandwich.”

It almost doesn’t seem fair for the pseudo-rock band. People don’t think pickles are everything that is wrong with the food industry after all.

Good thing they aren’t going up against a pickle that can sing.

The challenge would have been over by now.

Of course there’s always a radical in every group:

“Besides, I heard this pickle is anti-semitic. Nickelback may make shitty music, but at least they don’t hate the Jews.”

Update: The pickle broke the one million fan mark.

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Wow. Beer is good for you:

If you downed one too many while watching the Super Bowl, here’s at least one reason to hold your head high: Drinking beer can be good for your health.

But seriously, a new analysis of 100 commercial beers shows the hoppy beverage is a significant source of dietary silicon, a key ingredient for bone health.

I’m a big fan of Harpoon IPA so it was good news to hear that I’m getting my daily dose of bone-strengthening nutrients.

Of course they had to throw a wet blanket onto the whole thing:

However, other studies show that consuming more than one or two alcoholic beverages a day may be, overall, bad for health.

Yeah but if someone trips and falls due to being drunk, they stand a decreased chance of breaking a bone with all that silicon.

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After this blog was nuked last week I wasn’t sure what to do next.I had lost almost half the posts and comments. A whole year of work gone.

But it turns out the missing content is not lost. It’s all in the XML backup. The importing just didn’t take. So if I wanted to I could restore everything, even all the pictures.

Nah.

I’ve wanted to do more stuff about the news, politics, sports, as well as a few new feature ideas. And there’s a lot of content from the past I’d like to get rid of.

So I’m purging the database, wiping everything clean again and starting like it is day one of the 2.0 version of Angry Seafood.

I will still be doing humor but adding some new features:

News and Found- The daily look at news and interesting things I found online, published 2-4 times a day, M-F. Think of it like a cross between Neatorama and Jammie Wearing Fool.

Interview/Guest Post- Every Wednesday will feature an interview or guest post.

Stuff Fictional People Like- A parody of the “Stuff White People Like” blog, Stuff Fictional People Like is a weekly look at well, things characters in television shows, movies, comic books, and novels like. SFPL publishes every Monday.

Humor Column- Fridays will feature my latest humor column.

There will also be short posts sprinkled in throughout the week about sports, politics, and of course humor. Some of the best content from the old version of the blog will also be re-published from time to time.

And in case you missed anything, every Saturday there will be a re-cap of all the week’s posts.

All this begins tomorrow, Tuesday February 9th. I hope you like the changes.

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Stupidity was the reason for what happened. Mine in fact.

I allowed a script that stuck links and who knows what else into a bunch of the php files. So I wasn’t technically hacked.

It was in a WordPress theme and once it got into my database it jumped into a ton of files. I tried a revert and that didn’t work. Tried upgrading the WP software, that also didn’t work.

There was only one thing left: purge all the files and re-install WP.

It worked and the script is gone. But so is my theme, all the plug-ins, etc. It also has cleaned up a lot of junk in the database.

This is where the good news ends.

I never tested the XML backup to make sure it saved everything. Turns out the latest version I saved didn’t record a year plus of blog posts.

2009 is gone. Poof. So is October-December 2008, and all of January and February of this year. 144 posts in total.

Worse yet, all my permalinks are gone. Over 250 posts in need of redirection to unknown url titles.

Some of the comments and all of the pictures are gone too. (I did save all the pictures but at this point I would have to add them in manually which would be a complete pain in the ass)

Basically, this blog is now like a destroyed home after a tornado. There’s some stuff that can be salvaged but it is no longer livable.

Unfortunately, while testing out some themes I unknowingly uploaded one with some evil code. Yes, in other words I allowed myself to be hacked.

So the entire database has been purged, WP re-installed and the hack code is now gone. The bad news is I may have lost all the content. Checking that out now.

If it is gone well that would really suck. Not sure where I’ll go from there. Let’s just hope for the best.

~Chris

UPDATE: Arggghhh I lost 144 posts, everything from October 2008 to the last post.

Wow can’t believe it’s all gone.

UPDATE II: Oh man the permalinks are all gone. Wonderful.

Well, it looks like this blog has been killed. Maybe it was time for me to start fresh anyways.