Karaoke Celebrities

Karaoke, the most shameless fad ever rose to fame in the 1980’s, and its demon spawn continues to roam the Earth in search of bad singing. Like Jason Voorhees, it comes back time and time again, each version worse then the previous one. The hysteria began to fade in the 90’s but during its reign over bar and club entertainment it created local musical celebrities.

A typical karaoke night consisted of drunken office workers blowing off steam, drunken patrons blowing off steam and generally a lot of drinking. This wass the foundation; it just doesn’t work when alcohol isn’t involved. You had to be under the influence to stand up in front of an equally-inebriated crowd to belt out songs nobody really liked in the first place.

The heck with the breathalyzer, the police should administer the Karaoke Test. I have even done the research:

Clearly you can see the relationship between surpassing the legal limit and the willingness to participate. Imagine the cops pull someone over, ask them to step out of the car, and then play “Love Train” by the OJ’s over the intercom. It would reduce drunk driving dramatically.

I’m jumping the gun here.

Always amongst the crowd are those few people who treated the night like their big audition.

They were the karaoke celebrities.

They sat right by the ‘stage’ and got up every five songs to belt out one of the many renditions they performed every time. It was their ‘set’ so to speak, and they were true professionals, with their sweat towel and bottled water. You have to keep the vocal chords moist of course.

The fad then moved into the home, and people gave karaoke machines and CD’s as really awful Christmas gifts. Before this happened, the only annoying thing about that magical day was the noises the toys made. You can’t turn off Cousin Sally for singing “La Isla La Bonita” five times in a row.

Along came American Idol and karaoke was re-invented by FOX. Singers with mediocre talent were competing with other nominal talent while being berated on their ability by the judges, and all for ad revenue. This time however, there was no alcohol involved. The home audience was allowed to drink though, as well as Paula Abdul.

Karaoke reached the crowing achievement recently, however with the advent of YouTube. Millions of people can believe they aren’t as much of a hack as they really are, without having to compete live against other people with fractions of musical talent. Again, alcohol is optional, but this works best late at night once Denny’s closes and the drunks are home.

And who knows where that will lead them. Perhaps they will get an agent, redo their look, lose some weight, and begin doing original numbers.

You do have to wonder if people doing this crap on YouTube really are amateurs. In the end this is just another audition for them I suppose, with sweat towel and bottled water in hand.

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