Introducing John Nobody for President

Angry Seafood always looks for Presidential candidates with a sense of humor in their politics but rarely do we find any. Their best jokes of course have to be saved for the back rooms of their elite social circles because they know we would be offended.

Pelosi: “Hey Dick, you know how to get a one-armed U.S. voter out of a tree?”
Cheney: “I don’t know Nancy, how?”
Obama: (interrupting) “Wave!”
Clinton: “God damn it Barack, always stealing people’s thunder!“

It is clear we need real change in Washington, not the make-believe stuff Obama and McCain are spoon-feeding us like Gerber babies while they act like children themselves.

We need someone in the Oval Office who will listen to our concerns. We need a leader who will keep their campaign promises. We need a President who cares.

Barack Obama is not that man. John McCain is not that man. But there is someone who has answered the call for change, for hope, for a great future. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you, someone who is that man, our next President of the United States, John B. Nobody!

Thank you Chris and everyone from this humor blog, Angry Seafood, for your support. My campaign funding would be nowhere without the generosity you have shown in the name of the great values we hold dear as well as democracy.

In these important and critical times America needs better political leaders and choices then Barack Obama and John McCain. I am that better choice. Why choose an old man or an empty suit when you can have a Nobody?

America needs something better then what the Democrat-Republican Party can offer us. I can wrap McCain up in new paper but he’s still an old smelly fish. I could put lipstick on Obama but that won’t make his rhetoric sound prettier.

I am that fresh fish that looks good without makeup.

But this election is not about seafood or lip gloss, it really is about Don Lewis, the Presidential Candidate for the Plaid Union Party. His ideals and beliefs threaten to undermine the very fabric of what we hold dear and tear apart the fibers of our nation’s being. We are all cut from the same cloth, yet Don wants to untie that. The media fails to confront him on this issue, and when they do, he simply skirts the question.

Don Lewis wants to make plaid our national dress code.

Sure, they can make a burlap sack look hot but that doesn’t mean I want a President that will make sure that plaid is our national dress code.

Plaid people. Plaid.

Remember what happened when someone pushed Spandex onto the mainstream masses without any regard for who would actually be wearing the clothing material in public?

This is why my campaign will focus on defeating Don Lewis and save this country we all love from horrific pictures of Elvis Impersonators’ Camel Toes. With your help, and your support, I, John Nobody will be your next President and bring real change to the White House.

And if I lose I will do so with dignity. And blame it on Bush.

Good day and God Bless America.

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Don’t miss the first Presidential Debate between Don Lewis and John Nobody on Thursday September 25 at Radioactive Liberty.

Humor-blogs.com does not support Presidential candidates but they do have a ton of funny blogs and you can vote for them as well as the humor of Angry Seafood too. Democracy has never been this funny.

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