Bloggers Speak: RF from ‘Renal Failure’

Welcome to another edition of “Bloggers Speak” where Angry Seafood interviews the authors of funny blogs. We are joined today by Renal Failure, Humor-Blogs.com directory member and also contributor to the online humor magazine ‘The Clay Pigeon’.

Chris: Welcome to the feature Renal Failure. How are you doing?

RF: Why do you ask? What have you heard? Oh God, it’s pancreatic Swayze cancer, isn’t it? Damn it, why couldn’t it have waited until after the release of the new Batman movie?

C: Ok, I have to ask, what is up with all the characters? I need a scorecard to keep track.

RF: I have a wide circle of friends. They’re drawn to me, like pretentious hipsters to a thrift shop. Anyway, it can’t be that hard to keep track of the characters. I think they’re clearly defined. Tina the Lesbian is the lesbian. Bernie the half-cyborg cat is the cat. Ninja Vicki is the Peter Cetera fan. Simple stuff.

C: What can change a substance into an entirely different substance?

RF: Tag Larkin. By sheer force of will.

C: Great taste or less filling?

RF: Great Taste and more filling. That’s how I like my Boston Kreme donuts. Filling is tasty, why would I want less of it? You know what people would want less of? Sudden infant death syndrome. That’s what people really want: Great taste and less babies found dead in their cribs.

C: If you could vote any Movie Star or Singer as President, who would it be?

RF: Gary Busey. He has a lot to teach us as human beings, not just as Americans. And he will pull a knife on you.

C: Does Psycho Dave have any more mundane ideas to sell to India?

RF: No, mundane experiences were last year. This year Psycho Dave is currently negotiating to export “goth” to India to fill their goth teen deficit. And by negotiating, I mean he calls up the local Indian take-out place and curses at them.

C: Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

RF: Because the queen is always in motion, always a step ahead of the setting sun. Sort of like the end of the movie Little Monsters.

(Editor’s note: If anyone was wondering the actual punchline to that joke is: “because God doesn’t trust the Birtish in the dark.”)

C: Who is Tag Larkin and why does he go all out?

RF: Tag Larkin is inevitability. Tag Larkin is a force of nature. Tag Larkin is the sum of a cosmic equation too complex for our primitive minds to understand.

As to why he goes all out, I believe this was answered in our post Tag Larkin Goes All Out: because Tag Larkin is still trying to impress his late father, for whom nothing was ever good enough. And that’s how Tag Larkin prevented Tagg Romney’s father from being the Republican nominee for President. By going all out, and playing by his own rules, and answering to nobody.

C: Why should US invade Canada?

RF: For cheap pills. I’d like the cocktail of pharmaceutical wonder-capsules I take on a daily basis that prevent the Virgin Mary from convincing me in her husky Kathleen Turner voice to throw acid in people’s faces to be just a little more affordable. Because if I have to choose between paying the high-speed internet bill and buying the drugs that keeps the screaming to an acceptable minimum, I’m going to choose the one that gives me adorable kitten videos.

C: Thanks a lot for taking the time to do this interview RF. Any parting thoughts?

RF: Anyone can relay true stories to an audience. It takes talent to tell them entertaining and funny lies.

RF’s question to the readers: What Renal Failure character would you like to spend the day with?

Humor-blogs.com is the home of funny blogs. The only home.

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