Bloggers Speak: Muskrat
Written by Chris C on November 14th, 2008
Welcome to another edition of Bloggers Speak where Angry Seafood sits down with other online humorists and ask them funny questions every Friday. This week I am joined by Muskrat from the humor blog umm err Muskrat.
How’s it hanging muskrat?
First of all, thank you for agreeing to meet me at this seedy Courtyard hotel in Charlotte, NC on short notice. How’s it hanging, you ask? Fully clothed in its leather suit and zipper mask, ready for abuse. Why? You wanna give ‘er a little dance? He don’t bite much.
You are hired to write the script for Police Academy Eight. What would the plotline be?
It would be absolutely filthy. The entire film would be set in the Blue Oyster Bar, where the bar patrons take turns entertaining necrophiliac urges with Tackleberry (who died in 2001). The police squad infiltrates the biker gang. Harris would totally dig it, calling it his favorite undercover gig ever. Which would be ironic, because he’d be uncovered.
What would be the funniest way to die?
In the arms of the Cutting Crew.
Van Halen-Sammy or Dave?
Definitely David. I was so inspired by David Lee Roth in 1984 that I cut a hole in the back of my britches and ran around my elementary school telling everyone I was a Yankee Rose. You should’ve seen my beautiful, smooth bare ass. Girls wanted to touch me. Boys wanted to be me.
Does Thanksgiving seem to get in the way of the Christmas season more and more every year?
It does. I tire of the little pilgrim gnomes that always seem to find their way into my yard from my neighbors’ front porches. I like to arrange them into poses that resemble that trashy t-shirt that came out 15 years ago portraying geckos having sex. Remember that one? Pigeon Forge giftshops sold out of them all the time, along with the Big Johnson series of t-shirts.
If you could create your own court procedural drama what would it focus on?
Gotham City. I’d like to see the ADA’s office–especially since it included Bruce’s hot little childhood friend with her taser–trying to get past all the trampled-upon Fourth and Fifth Amendment rights Batman’s version of vigilante justice brought. And how many times did he Mirandize somebody before breaking his face and getting a confession? Zero, that’s how many. All those fuckers would be back on the street by now.
Why have we not seen this band in any recent versions of Guitar Hero?
I haven’t played Guitar Hero before, but if the object of the game is to murder a damned powerful Europe song, these kids should certainly be featured. This reminds me of a film I starred in during highschool called “Seven Bad Kung Fu Dudes” in which the training montage was accompanied by the Europe version of “The Final Countdown.” I wore a loincloth.
Originally the phrase ‘God bless you’, said after someone sneezed was supposed to keep the evil spirits from entering their body. What would happen if we stopped blessing people after they sneezed?
Hmm, I’m thinking either Big Audio Dynamite would take us all to the Globe, or we’d all turn to pigs and run off a cliff (See Mark 5:1-20). I’m hoping it’s the former.
Thanks for taking the time to do this muskrat. Any parting thoughts?
Again, thanks for this blitzkrieg interview sqeezed into 45 minutes between client meetings while I’m on the road.
muskrat’s question for the readers:
Where can I get one of those “What are you looking at, Dicknose?” t-shirts like Styles wore in “Teen Wolf”? I have a family reunion coming up.
_________________________________________________________
Would you like to be interviewed? All I ask is that you have a humor blog and you give funny answers. If you think you qualify contact me and I’ll make it happen. Oh and money works great if you are not funny.
[Humor-blogs.com has more funny blogs like muskrat's to laugh at or with.]
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Posts Feed
14
PM
I’ll bet Hollyweird has already taken your Police Academy plot and has a mock up in some stuffy windowless meeting room…
I can’t find the Dicknose T-Shirt but you could substitute the “Spock You” one with Leonard Nimoy one giving the vulcan sign…
VEs last blog post..Yeah, this is the embarassing MEME you’ve waited for
14
PM
This is absolutely the filthiest piece I’ve ever written. You really should’ve stopped this interview after the “Police Academy” response and declared it “Censorship Time with Tipper Gore” instead of letting it continue.
That being said, it was quite a bit more fun the 4 hours of poker with a bunch of lawyers that followed. So, thanks!
muskrats last blog post..long distance dedication
15
AM
Two of my favorite bloggers together in one place. Who could ask for anything more? Well, except for one of those t-shirts like ‘Skrat talked about. Where do you get those? Anyone?
unfinishedramblers last blog post..Hoisting up the John B’s sail and writing songs
15
AM
okay as I was commenting I just noticed that your latest posts are all about music or make some kind of reference. Weird…
15
AM
Another fine and funny interview. Thanks Muskrat. :)
On a side note I have gotten a lot of mileage out of that crappy video: two posts and a paid article for Associated Content. I should send the band a thank you note for playing the worst cover ever.
15
PM
I actually thought that a court procedural based on Daredevil’s alter ego, Matt Murdock, could be pretty cool. You could call it “Blind Justice,” but I think that was already a horrible movie with Rutger Hauer.
diesels last blog post..Caption Contest: The Transporter
15
PM
Whew. Now I don’t feel so bad about dropping the “F bomb” in my interview. On the other hand, I may have just given these interviews a push down that slippery slope…
Well done!
15
PM
Somebody help me… I can’t stop watching that video!
Good job Muskie - another humor bloggers succumbs to the charms of Angry Seafood.
Jeffs last blog post..nuhth-ing
15
PM
‘Where can I get one of those “What are you looking at, Dicknose?” t-shirts like Styles wore in “Teen Wolf”? I have a family reunion coming up.’
One shirt one magic marker. Plus then you can personalise it!
Alex L.s last blog post..Saturday Serial
16
AM
@Diesel: You said: “…but I think that was already a horrible movie with Rutger Hauer.”
Doesn’t that imply there was a good movie with Rutger Hauer?
@Doug: Don’t feel bad. I’ve dropped many f bombs and other profanities on this blog. Only thing I ask is use them sparingly. I’ve noticed they lose their power when used often.
16
AM
@Jeff: I hear yah. I do the same thing. In some kind of awful way it is entertaining.
@Alex: Sounds like you have a good idea for a 80’s retro business.