Bloggers Speak: Im Sure I Dont Know Part Two

Here is the thrilling conclusion to the interview with The Nemesing One from the humor blog I’m Sure I Don’t Know.

[Part One if you missed it]

Since Lindsay Lohan has gone lesbian, is there anything left she could do to attract attention?

I’m waiting for her to announce that when she said lesbian she meant she had a thing for female dogs. I could see her being this major crusader for inter-species erotica and such. As part of that she would stop shaving her legs and pit hair to become closer to her new “mate”. Of course she would have all these huge Great Danes and such, all female. When that starts to die down she will begin to speak in canine and only talk in whimpers, growls and barks. Then when she’s hanging out with Paris and Britney and their all panty-less they would give a whole new meaning to term “Beaver” - it’ll be 70’s porn meets Animal Kingdom.

You have been hired to write the next romantic comedy starring Matthew McConaughey. What will the plot be?

Him and his gay lover (Jason Alexander) are about to get kicked out of their apartment after their ultra-conservative right-wing nut-job of a landlord (Rip Torn) finds out they’re into man-on-man action. They convince him that he has misunderstood some things they have said or done and that they are really straight, not gay. So now they have to pretend they are straight in order to keep the apartment. They have to have a constant string of women friends come over to keep up the façade.

But it’s taking its toll on the two star-crossed lovers and Matthew (the more butch of the two) even starts to wonder - “GASP” if he’s really gay. This all comes to a head when Matthew says he’s moving out and maybe going to look up that girl he thought was kind of cute in college.

While Matthew is at the open door, bag in hand and back slightly turned to the camera, and ready to leave, Jason Alexander begins this very passionate monologue about being true to yourself and forgetting what the rest of the world says,

“For all these years you’ve looked past all my flaws. You’ve looked passed my balding head, my portly stature, my monthly bouts with pseudo PMS and now you’re telling me you can no longer look past the fact that I have a penis. I can’t believe we live in a world where that matters. It doesn’t matter to me. I love you and I love all your flaws and I your penis.”

Matthew turns around, the music begins to swell and he says, “I love your penis too.” With tears streaming down their faces they fall into each others arms which leads to a deep passionate French kiss and then BOOM, Rip Torn walks by the open door and sees them. He immediately kicks them out but it’s pretty obvious he’s a homophobe and he is just trying to mask his own gay tendencies.

The gay community rallies around the two and thousands end up protesting out in front of the apartment building. Rip Torn looks out his window at the protest, turns and looks at a picture of his father sitting on his desk and says, “Sorry dad, I can’t keep denying who I really am”. Now realizing that he is gay, he goes out and gives the two guys a great big hug and wet sloppy kisses all around.

Here there is a cameo by Harrison Ford as a very flamboyant gay man who catches Rip Torn’s eye, they smile, Rip blushes and we just know they’re going to hook up girlfriend. The protest rally turns into a spontaneous gay pride parade that marches off into the sunset.

Guaranteed box office flop but will get tons of awards at Sundance, Cannes and the Oscars.

Thanks for taking the time to do this Nemesing One. Any final thoughts?

Thanks for inviting me, it’s been fun. Do I have any final thoughts?

I’m sure I don’t know.

Nemesing One’s question for the readers:

I just plucked a ¾ inch long gray eyelash from my eyelid, is it gross to go around showing it to my co-workers?

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[Humor-blogs.com has funny blogs, many I have interviewed.]

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