Global Warming Causes Everything

Before I begin, I want to apologize.

I forgot that we are supposed to call it climate change not global warming anymore. This allows the political scientists a wider umbrella to blame more random events on people because the blame game is fun.

I recommend we follow their lead and blame everything on global warming, I mean climate change.

Say you had a bad day at work today. Climate change has to be the culprit. All that extra CO2 and heat in the air got under the skin of your co-workers and made everyone irritable, especially your boss who gave you a stack of paperwork right before lunch.

If I were you I would keep the air conditioning/heat turned down in the office so that your fellow employees don’t cause any more global warming.

You want all good days at work right?

Got into a fender bender? Climate change was the reason.

Because the planet is being warmed by people like your family and friends, it made you drowsy. This resulted in lower reaction time and increased the likelihood of an accident.

Tell your sister she needs to buy a Prius even though she can’t afford it. She got you into this climate change mess in the first place. She should help bear your financial burden.

Broke your leg skiing? Climate change caused the incline of the ski path to increase, making the slope more dangerous. Mom’s SUV is to blame. Total it and then she will have to buy a hybrid.

She broke your leg after all.

Girlfriend dumped you?Her carbon footprint was too big, you just never realized it.

See how easy it is? Nothing will ever be your fault anymore.

The best part is climate change happens all the time, every day. Sometimes it changes within hours, even minutes.

It is a consistent, reusable resource for laying the blame on the shoulders of your friends, family, and loved ones. Hear that social environmentalists?

This concept is recyclable.

Plus, there are seven billion people on the planet. That is an endless supply of humans who can be blamed for something gone wrong in your life.

So the next time someone asks you why you cause yourself so many problems just turn to them and say it’s their fault for causing climate change.

Tagged as:  climate change · global warming · Humor