Fighting Global Warming

I have decided to give up the fight against the overwhelming evidence that global warming is caused by us. It is absurd to think that the sun is more powerful then humans. We have been around now for tens of thousands of years. Ee created Wal-Mart and computers. It is silly to think the massive star with its inconsistent amounts of heat would ever have an impact on climate and temperatures.

It is us stupid.

So what can we do to fight the problem of climate change?

We are carbon-based life forms and since CO2 is part carbon it must be our fault. The first thing we must do is learn to exhale less. It is a hard road to take, I know but any journey starts with that first important step. I recommend starting off small. Begin with pacing your breathing first at two second intervals, then three, then four until you exhale as much CO2 as you would while sleeping or at rest. Even this might not be enough so I would shoot for a goal of breathing intervals of eight to twenty seconds. With the addition of all the humans in the last decade, this would bring us in line with inhaling and exhaling levels in 1990.

The next step is to reduce farting. All that methane gas is deadly and we don’t really think about the effects on the planet. Our best avenue of approach would be to ban beans, especially the baked kind. Fart jokes must also be eliminated. You cannot hope to achieve this objective if people are reminded of this subject. Farting is like yawning, if someone hears or smells it, they suddenly have the urge to ‘let one go’.

Encouraging people to fart is encouraging the death of the Earth. Do not forget that.

We also need to get the animals involved. All they seem to be doing is adapting to a constantly-changing climate leaving the burden on us to attempt to control nature. That is as fair as asking China to pay their fair share of the CO2 taxes. We need to get these non-humans to foot their share of the bill. After all, they invade our backyards, eat our garbage, and get in the way of our vehicles on the roads and highways. The last thing we need is more freeloading from them.

One final recommendation this site fully endorses is to increase the mileage of vehicles and the best way to get there is driving backwards.

It has been determined that driving in reverse uses less gas then going forward. I have even tested the theory for six hours in a Jack-In-The-Box parking lot. I used .5 less gallons of gas! In just six hours! Imagine the savings multiplied by seven billion people! (That particular fast food outlet is a perfect test area by the way due to the lack of patrons.)

I am sure there are more ways you could come up to help combat global warming. This is just a start but I feel a necessary one. We all need to get our act together or huge lightning bolts are going to destroy our SUV’s and Bouncy Castles.

We cannot let this happen for the love of God.

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