In case you didn’t believe the headline, yes, Hollywood is making a movie based on the board game Battleship.

Battleship. Holy crap.

Can we now say they are officially out of movie plot ideas?

Variety announced on Monday that the 22-year-old singer (Rihanna) will be making her movie debut in “Battleship,” a big-screen adaptation of the Milton Bradley game. She will be joining Taylor Kitsch (TV’s “Friday Night Lights”) and Alexander Skarsgard (“True Blood”) in the sci-fi action flick coming in May, 2012.

According to director Peter Berg (“Hancock”), the movie will pit the U.S. Navy against an invading alien force. He told LatinoReview.com the hero (played by Kitsch) is the captain of a destroyer, a 500-foot-long warship, with Skarsgard playing his brother. They are confronted by the alien armada and must engage in a battle for control of the Earth’s seas.

He says that the strategic element of the game — guessing where your opponent is hiding their ships and then narrowing in on them — is at the heart of the conflict.

What, is the U.S. Navy going to hide all their ships in the corner of the ocean? Will one of the sub-conflicts of the storyline be the debate over spreading out the ships or clumping them together?

I better stop now. For all I know I accidentally wrote half the story for them.

Maybe they should make it in 3-D too, just to put it over the top.

And if you thought the genre of board game movies ends there you are mistaken.

This one comes straight from some fresh circle of corporate-synergy hell: Universal Pictures and Hasbro are teaming up for at least four big-budget feature films about board games.

One of those is Monopoly. I have no idea if it will be the old square board, or the new, round one. Either way, it will probably be about as exciting as Clue.

The bad ideas don’t stop there. Micheal Bay will direct a movie based on Ouija boards (think Witchboard but with explosions and crazy gun fights). Maybe they use them as weapons, I don’t know.

You haven’t heard the worst: Candy Land and Stretch Armstrong.

A comment in the EW post about this story predicts how low this board game genre might go:

“Sometimes you climb! Sometimes you fall! Bruce Willis in Chutes and Ladders.”

I guess it could be worse. There could be a Minesweeper movie.

The biggest bad-ass bad guy on the planet, any planet mind you, is now robbing banks? Say it isn’t so.

Darth Vader is so evil Tony Montana says hello to him. Vader has entrances like no other movie villain:

Now he’s reduced to petty crime…

Police in New York state said the man who robbed a Chase bank branch was armed with a pistol and dressed as “Star Wars” villain Darth Vader.

Suffolk County police Detective Sgt. William Lamb said the robber walked into the Setauket branch Thursday dressed in Darth Vader’s signature mask and cape, the New York Daily News reported Friday.

And he’s using a gun?

There is no truth to the rumor, by the way that he stood in front of the bank for ten minutes waving his arm back and forth, hoping to open the door with the Force.

What happened? Were the prequels so crappy that it turned Darth Vader into a wimpy bad guy?

I think we have our answer.

Fresh off the explosive ending to the first Old Man film, Mark Battle and the gang over at Megaton Films have released their teaser trailer for the sequel, Old Man 2: This Time Its Personal.

I’m kidding about the tagline although it does sound cool.

Even better is the fact the movie is being filmed in 3-D. I’m actually kidding about that too. But they are filming in HD.

Here’s the trailer…

[OLD MAN 2 TEASER TRAILER from Megaton Films on Vimeo.]

I also got to hear some of the storyline for the film and while I can’t give away any details I can say there are some very cool and unexpected twists and turns.

And it ends in a parody of the final episode of Newhart. But that is only a rumor.

Old Man 2 is scheduled for release Winter 2011.

(Watch Old Man 1 at Megaton Films.)

Here also are some exclusive interviews with Mark Battle, who directs and plays the role of Gus Crane, and John Mason, who plays the role of Buster:

And the trailer from the first film:

Last year’s Premiere:

Celtics fans always knew Brian Scalabrine was the team’s bench cheerleader but we often wondered if that was his only job responsibility.

Well it turns out his role is more far-reaching than we thought. He also helps pick the Boston Celtics Dancers (a politically correct term for cheerleaders).

Hey, complain all you like about Scal’s lack of playing time. He’s choosing the dancers that entertain us at home games. That is a contribution my friend.

Everyone wishes they were an NBA superstar but why not a Scalabrine? The man is living a dream. He gets paid to be a backup for a championship-contending team and gets to judge things like this:

I’ll take that any day.

Yahoo gave comic book fans an exclusive first-look today at Captain America’s costume in the upcoming film…

“Next summer, 70 years after he first appeared in comic books, Captain America is marching onto movie screens. “Captain America: The First Avenger” is being released in July of 2011, but the first official image of how the superhero will look has just been revealed exclusively here on Yahoo!…

…The movie costume has the basic appearance of the classic look: blue with a red-and-white midsection and a big star on the chest. But instead of a stretchy, skin-tight fabric, this costume is made from a thicker, more leathery material. He wears brown leather gloves and military boots, and the red stripes on his uniform are actually straps latched onto his belt.”

For the large version click here.

It looks kinda bad ass except for the red suspenders. Maybe Captain America fights his enemies with such force and aggression that it makes his pants fall down, and the suspenders help counter this problem.

Who knows.  One thing is for sure: the 2011 version will be better than the 1990 crapfest.

While those in Cleveland are listening to that sad walking-away music from the Hulk, NBA players across the land are licking their chops for a chance to play on the Miami Heat, the Super Team of Lebron, Wade, and Chris Bosh.

But there is no way retired players will come back for a chance at a ring.

Isn’t that right Rick Pitino?

Not so fast there buddy. Penny Hardaway is thinking about walking through that door:

In an audio interview with Bottom Line Sports, Hardaway expressed his interest in joining the Heat. He thinks he can be a great fit in the system and is willing to take on any role.

If Penny can come back who is to stop Larry or Robert? Or Michael and his Hitler-esque mustache. Or anyone for that matter.

Manute Bol could come back.

Oh wait, he’s dead….too soon? On a side note that would be one hell of a comeback.

Jayson Williams could come back, adding his own version of heat. He would be perfect for those games against Gilbert Arenas and the Wizards. Just keep him away from limo drivers.

Even the only animal to play basketball could come out of retirement…

Yup Air Bud.

You never know…

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Today Angry Seafood sits down with Christian Wisecarver from The Super Secret Project (SSP), the group that created the insanely awesome viral video Granite State of Mind, a New Hampshire parody of Jay-Z’s song about New York.

If you haven’t seen the video here it is…

Welcome to the blog Christian, good to have you here.

Great to be here. Thanks for having me. It’s a bit chilly in here. Can I have a sweatshirt?

You have probably explained it as much as Bruce Willis in Day After Die Hard but some of my readers would like to know: how did you come up with Granite State of Mind?

I was just watching the original one day, and thought it would make for a good parody. I had no idea that people from New Hampshire would get behind it the way they did. We’ve been making videos for a while now, so it has been rewarding to make something that connected with people.

The response to Granite State of Mind has been huge and nationwide which might lead to some backlash from New York rappers. Do you foresee this NH vs. NYC rap battle getting as heated as the East Coast vs. West Coast one in the 1990′s? Some serious shit went down then.

Nah, I think people see it for what it is…a parody. I think a lot of the humor comes from the differences between NH and NY, and I have heard mostly positive feedback, even from people in the big apple.

In the lyrics of the song you used Robert Frost’s entire poem “Stopping By Woods On a Snowy Evening”. If he were alive today would he raise the roof poetically in support of Granite State of Mind?

I would hope so. Because that part is pretty hard to rap. Especially live.

I’ve noticed references to the 80′s tv series Greatest American Hero in your videos, and coincidentally Hollywood has looked into a film version of the show. If a studio came to you and asked you to write a plot summary for the movie what would it be?

I think that would be an awesome flick! I would make it an origin story, like the first season, with the aliens choosing him and all that, but the stakes would be bigger obviously. And I would cast Bill Murray in the Robert Culp part.

In one of your videos you goofed on comic Jon Lajoie who then worked with you on The SEXOFFENDA. Did the chance to work with him happen as a result of the video or did you already know him?

No, we didn’t know him, but he liked the “diss” we did on him. He invited us to hang when he came to Boston, and we grabbed the cameo then. He is a super cool dude. He emailed us to congratulate us when we were on “The Today Show”.

Is the SSP still man-crushing on Zack Braff or have you moved on to someone else?

ZB fo’eva!

Thanks for taking the time to stop by Christian. It was a lot of fun doing the interview and you are welcome back anytime.

Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

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Here are the other SSP videos referenced in the interview…

Day After Die Hard

SEX OFFENDA

Ode To Zack Braff

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So there’s a big deal being made about this story out of Norwich, Connecticut:

A sense of disappointment filled the air Tuesday as Lebanon Middle School students exercised through a gym session that participants thought would feature prominent professional athletes.

The event was held to reward students who participated in the NFL-sponsored Fuel up to Play 60 program. In exchange for their school’s high participation rate — more than 50 percent of the students signed on to the program — they were promised the chance to meet New England Patriots football players, as well as the opportunity to challenge a set of exercise stations.

What they got was an intern and some workout videos.

No, not the Spygate intern.

It turns out the faux pas was an assumption on the school’s gym teacher’s part that they would win a meet-and-greet with Patriot players.

The school actually won a presentation on kick boxing. And some lucky kid won an autographed Fred Taylor jersey.

An hour later that same child went on the DL with a shoulder injury.

So who else were they promised?

Perhaps Arlen Specter, the scary senator from Pennsylvania was supposed to show up. Sadly he did not take the bait of an intern with a video. There will be no Spygate II.

Then again, maybe Arlen isn’t someone who should be talking to children. He frightens them.

"Make the scary man go away!"

What about Lawrence Taylor, the once-feared linebacker for the New York Giants?

Kids could have asked L.T. if he heard Joe Theismann’s leg snap in half.

Unfortunately, he had to cancel due to some legal issue involving the snorting of lines off a runaway prostitute’s back or something like that, allegedly of course.

Slim Goodbody was supposed to be there.

Actually, he called them repeatedly but was turned down when it was discovered that none of the students knew who the hell Slim Goodbody was.

So that’s the truth behind the curtain. Now we know what really happened.

(H/T to Radioactive Liberty for the Specter picture.)

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The other day I noticed that a news article via AP on Yahoo had comments dating back a good month or so before the publish date.

I figured it was some kind of glitch. Maybe I am wrong.

And this is no joke or set-up for a punchline. This is a serious post.

Wednesday I found this article:

A little tough to read but the publish time and date is Wed 4/21 8:03 PM ET.

And here is the first comment:

That is some time-traveling commentary. And to have 4,485 comments after just one day is crazy.

It gets better. Yesterday I found another AP/Yahoo news story:

(Click the picture for the full size.)

The comments this time around were more telling:

Not only is the date of the comment over a month old but the quote cited does not exist in the current news article.

Then there is the story out today about new home sales and durable goods orders for March:

Story out today, Friday 4/23 about 3pm ET. And the first comment…

Again, the comment is over a month old and refers to another news article.

So what is going on? Is the comment system broken? Is Yahoo/AP taking stories with old comments and writing over them? Is this intentional?

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