It might take a while.

UPDATE: Got sixty posts, the best from June 2007 to March 2008 up. Many of them are missing their pictures.

Here’s my latest over at RL:

I Believe in Man Made Global Warming

I have decided it is time to stop fighting the inevitable and put my faith in the belief that humans are causing Global Warming.

It is the right thing to do after all.

Read the rest…

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Join the Angry Seafood fan page and stop climate change from happening. If you join you will get these posts on your Facebook Wall, with a very low carbon footprint I might add. This blog has no feet after all.

Is your panda too lazy to get into the mood? Is eating and sleeping the only things he wants to do?

Okay that would be really weird if you had a panda, much less a horny one. But if you owned a zoo you would be concerned.

Well, it’s time to stop worrying because science is on the case with a new weapon in the war against panda laziness: Panda Porn.

“If they don’t like the female’s personality, or the female does not like the male’s personality, you won’t mate.”

Ever thought of using alcohol? Works great for the human species.

Start with the booze. Then show the pandas some porn and send them on their drunken way to the ladies.

But there is a high probability it could all backfire. If the pandas become alcoholics and knock up too many females the whole experiment could turn into an animal trailer park. And then we’ll need to sell them cigarettes and wife beater t-shirts.

That would not be good.

Worse if it happened at the same time the koalas ran out of eucalyptus leaves. Horny, drunken pandas and koalas coming down off their high are a bad combination.

Maybe we should rethink giving animals liquor and porn. Unless it is goat porn because that’s okay.

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Why can’t it be May 7th already?

The new trailer for Iron Man is out and it looks frigging awesome.

We get to see more of Whiplash, War Machine, the evil robots, a potential long-term antagonist, and general bad-assery.

Oh, and something really really cool right near the end…

Isn’t that new fold-up suit awesome? In the early days of the Iron Man comics he used to carry it around like a briefcase so that was a nice nod to the original.

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Puppet cleavage has been ruled out for advertising posters in Colorado Springs bus shelters. Lamar Advertising rejected posters for a touring production of the Broadway show “Avenue Q” because they show the cleavage of a fuzzy pink puppet.

This isn’t offensive. It is as far from hot as you can go, like thinking of your grandma far from hot. It’s like asking Marcellus Wallace if he is okay.

So when did this whole fantasy of sex with a puppet go mainstream? Did the creators of the musical once dream of a one night stand with Ms. Piggy?

Best yet, tickets for the show are not cheap at all.

I bet if someone is really into puppet sex they could probably get it for free on the internet. Why pay $61.70?

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One of the more unlikely pairings in food could soon be coming to a McDonald’s near you, as Weight Watchers has agreed to lend its stamp of approval to several items on the menus of the chain’s New Zealand locations.

The Filet-O-Fish, Chicken McNuggets and Sweet Chili Seared Chicken Wrap will be assigned 6.5 points each under the Weight Watchers system, which allows dieters between 18 and 40 points per day.

That must be some hot chili if it can sear chicken by the way.

But I’m wondering what makes a Filet-O-Fish sandwich healthier over in New Zealand. Or McNuggets for that matter.

And if they are healthier have McDonald’s and Weight Watchers teamed up to test a new co-op model for the United States stores? New Zealand has the second-highest obesity rate after the US so the thought did cross my mind.

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I think this news story about icebergs attacking each other painted quite the picture:

An iceberg about the size of Luxembourg that struck a glacier off Antarctica and dislodged another massive block of ice could lower the levels of oxygen in the world’s oceans, Australian and French scientists said Friday.

Where the hell is Luxembourg?

Holy crap it’s so small. Do they even have FIOS or cell phones? Or running water?

To be fair Luxembourg has the second-best per-capita GDP in the world despite the lack of toilet paper.

And why use a really small country to relate to? They might as well have said “an iceberg the size of Rhode Island“.

Why not something like “an iceberg big enough to fill three football stadiums”? Then people would be like “wow that’s frigging huge” and “wow that’s a lot of ice” and “I wonder if they can get all that ice off the field before the game starts”.

Or just make stuff up like most of the media does. Tell us the iceberg is as big as Texas because we think everything is big in that state. Or make up one of those “it would circle the Earth x amount of times” or “equal to x trips to the Moon” graphics. Those are always fun.

And how the hell are there icebergs in Luxembourg? It’s land-locked.

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Wow. Just wow. The Celtics got beaten by the Nets, a team that has won two road games all season.

Make that three wins.

Kevin Garnett sums up the game…

Three players had 21+ points for the Nets. Lopez and Harris earned half their points at the free throw line.

Hell, New Jersey might as well have set up camp at the line. They visited the damn thing forty-one times.

The Celtics squad even watched an upcoming documentary about the Bird vs. Magic rivalry before the game.

But still they found a way to lose against the worst team in the league.

It could be worse. The Celtics might lose a game to the lowly Nets but the Garden will never see the abysmal level of attendance of a game in the Izod Center.

Did they even break 1,000?

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Thursday night a very windy storm took down tons of trees in Massachusetts and New Hampshire and everyone lost power.

That tree that attacked the power line to my neighborhood was turned into sawdust Saturday and electricity was restored a little while later.

But for two straight nights after work I played a crap load of hands of the classic solitaire game Klondike. I did not win once.

Not one time. Now I know why it’s also called Patience.

That was one of the hands…over before it started. Consider that picture status quo.

Klondike has a 67% win rate by the way. Someone actually did a study on it. I guess it was good that I was not invited to participate.

But then today when I was cleaning up the apartment I looked under the coffee table…

Whoever invented the game of Klondike was a frigging masochist.

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A Tampa man faces charges after a deputy spotted him walking in a clown mask. According to jail records, the man was arrested Tuesday and charged with wearing a mask or hood on a public road over the age of 16 and resisting arrest without violence. The man, who turned 19 on Wednesday, has been released from Hillsborough County Jail on $750 bond.

The St. Petersburg Times reported that a deputy saw the man wearing a clown mask and bright wig as he walked down a street with two other people. The group fled when deputies tried to question them, but were later located.

That is some serious shit. A guy wearing a clown mask and a wig, fleeing from the law no less.

We can’t have clowns resisting arrest and evading the police, especially in Tampa. Have we forgotten so soon? Do we not remember Crescent Cove?

[Video link]

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Imagine the Love Boat but there are whores and more alcohol then Isaac could humanly serve ever. There are more fights then the Oasis brothers have had in their lifetime.

And they are all going to Australia:

Violence, drunkenness and all manner of debauchery featured on a six-month voyage on a migrant ship bound for Australia 170 years ago, a newly discovered diary reveals.

The raunchy tale of anarchy on the high seas is recorded by a junior officer, James Bell, aboard “The Planter” which sailed to Adelaide from Deptford in east London in 1838.

In the green vellum-bound journal, Bell tells how the captain regularly entertained two of the 11 daughters of a doctor-preacher from Liverpool called McGowan.

He wrote: “our captain of course could not want a mistress till he returned to his own in England, but made love to two of McGowan’s daughters … The Capt was allowed to keep the daughters company at all hours, and during the whole time of our being in warm weather our bed on deck sufficed for all three.”

Bell, whose 225-page diary goes up for sale at auction in London next month after being bought in a market stall for a pittance, said his crew were no better.

“Such an example was soon followed up by all the ship’s company but particularly by the three mates (who) carried immorality to a glaring height.”

Bell told how they blatantly took up with a band of prostitutes in search of a better life in the colonies.

If that ship was the Pacific Princess Captain Stubing would be sleeping with two of Doc’s eleven daughters. Vicki and Julie would be leading a band of prostitutes and taking up with some of the other officers. Gopher would be throwing down with Ace, whose arrival signals the jumping of the shark moment of the voyage by the way.

Bell summed up the Debauchery Boat the best, however when he said:

“With all this whoring and drunkenness, it is amazing this ship ever arrived in Australia.”

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It was an entertaining film, a fun ride, and everyone in attendance had great things to say about Old Man. Here’s the recap video of the premiere:

Old Man is online and you can watch it at Megaton Films.

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As you can see in the photo, the Dalai Lama does not wear a jacket in the middle of Winter. Does he not feel the cold?

Maybe he is too enlightened.

Or perhaps the Dalai Lama is not only hiding a jacket under the robe but pork chops as well.

It could simply be that he is the Chuck Norris of the spiritual world.

Dalai Lama doesn’t wear a jacket. He makes the planet shiver instead.

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I got this pamphlet last night from one of my customers and apparently I appear to be a sinner. But at least I’m a grammatically-correct sinner…

Can that statement be anymore awkward and clumsy in its syntax? “All suffering soon to end“. Really? Come on.

How about “All suffering will end soon“?

And let me be the first person to say that the suffering will not end if that moose in the picture plods across the road in front of the Corvette you are driving, the one you have earned in the New World Order.

But this is what we can expect of course from the Jehovah’s Witnesses, a group that has failed to predict the end of the world repeatedly for the last frigging three decades.

The suffering might “soon to end” but the syntax errors won’t apparently.

And I’m considered the sinner. Weird. They can’t even get the language right.

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Okay, I get it that the origins of the sport go back to training for Norwegian soldiers according to Wiki. It even says that during the 1950’s the event was “widely enjoyed by the public” which eventually led to it being included in the Winter Games.

How the hell was it widely enjoyed if there wasn’t the camera coverage we have today?

In the 50’s spectators would have seen a bunch of people ski off into the woods, heard some shooting off in the distance followed by the same skiers returning to the finish line.

And the fact that baseball is no longer an event but the biathlon still exists is baffling. But I digress.

How a sport that involves people skiing off into the woods then shooting stuff that is not wild game or their fellow competitors is allowed in the Olympics is baffling.

I think the Biathlon should be more like this:

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Yesterday, Gateway Pundit highlighted how the Alarmists said Global Warming would decrease and increase the amount of fog in San Francisco.

Now it is the coral reefs’ turn on the Merry-Go-Round:

“The polar snap enveloping much of the United States in record cold has been killing off coral reefs in the normally balmy warm waters off the Florida Keys, experts said Monday.”

Somebody get a crapload of soot so we can smear it all over it over the Artic, melt the ice, and warm this planet back up. (This was an actual idea when Global Cooling was in vogue in the 70’s.)

Worse yet, the article did not mention Global Warming at all. Not once. Shame on them for missing a golden opportunity to pull an Al Gore and talk out of both sides of their mouth.

Not to be outdone by the flip-flop on fog however, News-Press.com ran an article Tuesday claiming man-made Climate Change is still the culprit:

“Corals are really in crisis right now,” said Miyoko Sakashita, the center’s oceans director. “They were already undergoing major destruction from fishing practices and pollution. But now global warming and ocean acidification are major threats.”

Apparently, Miyoko Fullashita and the writer, Kevin Lollar did not get the memo about the cooling issue. And here I thought all liberals kept in touch with each other to be sure they all had the same talking points.

Silly me.

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