Envy vs. Jealousy

Written by Chris C on May 6th, 2008

Did you know that envy is something that is between two people while jealousy involves three?

It is true. Saying “Jane is jealous of Cindy’s ability to hook up with strange men on a nightly basis” is incorrect. Jane would actually be envious of Cindy’s amazing slut powers. Now if Cindy slept with Jane’s boyfriend which should happen any day now, this situation would cross over into jealousy as well as a possible cat fight.

Or attempted kidnapping.

In February 2007 Lisa Nowak, a NASA astronaut put on a diaper used in space travel and drove non-stop 950 miles from Houston to Orlando to confront her lover’s girlfriend in a fit of jealousy.

I am envious of Nowak’s tenacity, ingenuity, and determination.

Besides, I can look past my women wearing a diaper under their skirt as opposed to wedding tackle.

I am not envious of soccer star Ronaldo’s taste in women, especially those packing heat in more ways then one.

In the final example, we have Paris Hilton who doesn’t have a bulge in her drawers but knows how to use the word ‘Jealousy’. She just needs to work on keeping up with the voice track.

I am envious of Paris’ amazing inability to lip-synch. It is like forgetting the words to ‘Happy Birthday’ or not remembering how to walk.