Celtics fans always knew Brian Scalabrine was the team’s bench cheerleader but we often wondered if that was his only job responsibility.

Well it turns out his role is more far-reaching than we thought. He also helps pick the Boston Celtics Dancers (a politically correct term for cheerleaders).

Hey, complain all you like about Scal’s lack of playing time. He’s choosing the dancers that entertain us at home games. That is a contribution my friend.

Everyone wishes they were an NBA superstar but why not a Scalabrine? The man is living a dream. He gets paid to be a backup for a championship-contending team and gets to judge things like this:

I’ll take that any day.

While those in Cleveland are listening to that sad walking-away music from the Hulk, NBA players across the land are licking their chops for a chance to play on the Miami Heat, the Super Team of Lebron, Wade, and Chris Bosh.

But there is no way retired players will come back for a chance at a ring.

Isn’t that right Rick Pitino?

Not so fast there buddy. Penny Hardaway is thinking about walking through that door:

In an audio interview with Bottom Line Sports, Hardaway expressed his interest in joining the Heat. He thinks he can be a great fit in the system and is willing to take on any role.

If Penny can come back who is to stop Larry or Robert? Or Michael and his Hitler-esque mustache. Or anyone for that matter.

Manute Bol could come back.

Oh wait, he’s dead….too soon? On a side note that would be one hell of a comeback.

Jayson Williams could come back, adding his own version of heat. He would be perfect for those games against Gilbert Arenas and the Wizards. Just keep him away from limo drivers.

Even the only animal to play basketball could come out of retirement…

Yup Air Bud.

You never know…

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So there’s a big deal being made about this story out of Norwich, Connecticut:

A sense of disappointment filled the air Tuesday as Lebanon Middle School students exercised through a gym session that participants thought would feature prominent professional athletes.

The event was held to reward students who participated in the NFL-sponsored Fuel up to Play 60 program. In exchange for their school’s high participation rate — more than 50 percent of the students signed on to the program — they were promised the chance to meet New England Patriots football players, as well as the opportunity to challenge a set of exercise stations.

What they got was an intern and some workout videos.

No, not the Spygate intern.

It turns out the faux pas was an assumption on the school’s gym teacher’s part that they would win a meet-and-greet with Patriot players.

The school actually won a presentation on kick boxing. And some lucky kid won an autographed Fred Taylor jersey.

An hour later that same child went on the DL with a shoulder injury.

So who else were they promised?

Perhaps Arlen Specter, the scary senator from Pennsylvania was supposed to show up. Sadly he did not take the bait of an intern with a video. There will be no Spygate II.

Then again, maybe Arlen isn’t someone who should be talking to children. He frightens them.

"Make the scary man go away!"

What about Lawrence Taylor, the once-feared linebacker for the New York Giants?

Kids could have asked L.T. if he heard Joe Theismann’s leg snap in half.

Unfortunately, he had to cancel due to some legal issue involving the snorting of lines off a runaway prostitute’s back or something like that, allegedly of course.

Slim Goodbody was supposed to be there.

Actually, he called them repeatedly but was turned down when it was discovered that none of the students knew who the hell Slim Goodbody was.

So that’s the truth behind the curtain. Now we know what really happened.

(H/T to Radioactive Liberty for the Specter picture.)

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So Kevin Garnett was suspended for tonight’s Miami Heat-Boston Celtics playoff game for the delivery of an elbow to Quentin Richardson’s face in Game One.

Richardson said he was simply coming over to take his spot as the inbounds passer. Good defense except one thing: he didn’t play the part well.

Roll the tape…

Quentin only got a $25,000 fine, no suspension. Lame.

Richardson and Pierce are also two people who simply do not like each other so factor that nugget into the mix.

But the bigger issue is how ticky-tack the NBA has gotten, all because they are the sport that caters to the business world. It wasn’t always like this.

Celtics fans, and Kurt Rambis too will remember this incident from the 1984 NBA Finals very well.

Were there any fines or suspensions? Nope. That clothesline was bigger then the elbow too.

If that happened in this current age of the National Babies Basketball Association McHale would have been suspended for the rest of the season.

And who cares if Garnett is a dirty player? The way these people talk makes it sound like the man is sneaking up behind players and pulling their shorts down.

Larry Bird was dirty. Charles Barkley was dirty. And nobody talked as much shit on the court as Jordan. The best players are often the dirtiest in the game.

Deal with it.

And to the NBA: Stop being pansies. Instead of issuing these garbage suspensions let the technical foul system do it’s job.

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Sunday night was the “Opening Day” for Major League Baseball and the kick-off was none other then the greatest rivalry in all of sports: Red Sox vs. the Yankees.

Michigan vs. Ohio State? Not even close.

New York Giants vs. Philadelphia Eagles? Nice try.

Maple Leafs vs. Canadiens? Nobody watches hockey.

We are talking about a rivalry after all where even opposing coaches and players fight each other.

But enough about history and rivalries..on with the night’s festivities…

Speaking of Pedro, Martinez came back to throw out the first pitch. Don Zimmer was catching. I kid I kid.

Was he auditioning for a spot on the roster? The guy is still an active player.

Before that a five-year old kid came out to recite Herb Brooks’ “Miracle” speech to the crowd.

Kinda awkward. But cute none the less.

Dr Dre was a late signing to the team apparently and took batting practice before the game. Even LeBron James was there, fresh off his team’s loss to the Celtics earlier that afternoon.

Global Warming even showed up, giving the area temperatures at game time that were more like June and less like the first week of April.

Former Red Sox great Johnny Pesky played umpire for a brief moment, starting the game off with the “Let’s play ball” line.

Finally we were under way…

It started off badly for the home team. The Yankees jumped out to a 5-1 lead helped by a Jorge Posada home run off the right field foul pole named in Pesky’s honor. How dare he!

The Red Sox battled back, tying the score 5-5 in the sixth inning. The Yankees put two more on the board in the top of the seventh and the Sox again tied it back up 7-7 in the bottom of the inning.

Boston finally went ahead for good in the same inning with two wild pitches in a row that allowed Kevin Youkilis to score. Dustin Pedroia added an insurance run in the eighth to give the Sox a 9-7 win.

Neil Diamond came out to sing “Sweet Caroline“, the now-tired musical number played before the bottom of the eighth inning at Fenway, and I use the word sing loosely.

It was more like a spoken word version which was weird.

Weirder still was that Neil was wearing a blazer with the quote “Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn”. A little late on that cause I think. Like 60 years.

But despite the fact I will have to hear that song 81 more times it was a fun night and a great game.

One down. eighteen more to go against the Evil Empire.

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As a Boston Red Sox fan I generally refrain from saying nice things about the Yankees. It would be like a Michigan fan complimenting Ohio State or the Rebel Alliance rooting on Darth Vader.

But with the start of the 2010 Major League Baseball season this Sunday I thought maybe it was time to say good things about the Evil Empire.

Oops. Sorry. Old habit.

So here are some things I like about the Yankees, a truly wonderful organization.

They do not play in Boston.

Or New England for that matter. They could play farther away, like say California or Luxembourg but that is out of my control.

They have a lot of self-esteem.

People say loving yourself is key to success so it is no surprise that the Yankees win a lot. Clearly, A-Rod loves himself, and if the rest of the team has half as much self-love as he does they will do well.

That is a mirror right?

They are not the Mets.

Beat the Mets, beat the Mets, come on out and beat the Mets. What a mess of a team they are. On this one I am sure myself and Yankee fans agree.

The way they honor their past players.

There’s a lot of history in Monument Park, going back over a hundred years ago. New this year is the addition of a bronze airplane pilot’s seat honoring Thurman Munson.

Okay that’s enough of that. This being nice stuff is cramping my style.

Go Red Sox. Yankees suck.

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Today Angry Seafood breaks into the wrestling genre as I sit down with local WWE expert and Slam U graduate Paul Lepine for the low down on this weekend’s Wrestlemania XXVI.

This year’s Wrestlemania is shaping up to be a good one with the biggest story being the return of Bret Hart to the WWE ring for the first time since 1997. Yet he faces Vince McMahon. What’s up with that?

Exactly, this is a match that has been grabbing in the older wrestling crowd who remember watching Bret Hart. The Hart and McMahon families go back to when Vince bought Bret’s father Stu’s federation Stampede Wrestling back in the 1980′s. Stampede at the time was Canada’s top wrestling federation and all of the top stars, including Bret, got contracts with McMahon.

Flash forward to Survivor Series 1997 when the curtain was pulled out for the first and only time in the history of the WWE. We all know that matches are scripted behind the scenes, but in this case Vince called for the bell and awarded Shawn Michaels the title.

This was completely unplanned and no one knew what was going on. Vince feared because Bret was leaving for rival company WCW that the WWF would look bad if their champion never lost. Bret also had a creative control cause put into his contract however McMahon overruled as owner of the company.

In the years to follow, Bret’s brother Owen Hart died in a WWF ring after a harness malfunction dropped him from the arena ceiling to this death. His brother-in-law The British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith passed away from a drug overdoes. His father Stu Hart passed away from diabetes.

To top it off, Bret was forced to retire from wrestling after a serious concussion after getting kicked directly in the head from Goldberg. Upon recovery he suffered a stoke and was in a wheelchair learning to walk again.

My opinion, this is Bret’s final curtain call to the fans of WWE and a way to end his career on a good note. Don’t expect to see a match on the level he was at back in the day, but def an entertaining street fight with some classic Bret Hart moves.

Don’t be surprised if some of the members of the Hart Foundation show up.

Another big one is the Edge vs. Jericho Heavyweight Title match. A year ago they were tag team partners. How did we get to this point and who will win?

Ah, don’t watch Smackdown. Since buying WCW, WWE has some wrestlers on Monday Night RAW and others just on Friday Night Smackdown. I only watch RAW because on weekends I’m normally out pounding beer and chasing women because I’m not a virgin.

Then there is the retirement match between The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels. Well a half-retirement match. What’s the background on this one?

This is a rematch from last year’s Wrestlemania. Last year this match tore the fucking roof off and out shined the main event to the point where people were leaving during the heavy weight title match.

Beyond unheard of at Wrestlemania.

The only other time was Rock vs Hogan, however this match was on a completely different level. If you were to watch one wrestling match this year, this would be it.

Undertaker has never lost a wrestlemania (17-0) and is the longest active wrestler on the roster and in the history of the WWE. Shawn Michaels is arguably the greatest wrestler of all time. He is putting this “career” on the line vs. Undertaker’s “streak”

Keep in mind boys and girls, this is wrestling. The word “Retirement” gets tossed more around than an asshole in prison. Expect Undertaker to win, Michaels to say goodbye for a year, then come back for an occasional match when Vince needs him. While this is the end of his “active on TV every week” career, its not the last of HBK.

On the flip side, if Shawn Michaels does beat the Undertaker, it just wouldn’t make sense. Why would Vince have Undertaker go 17-0 to lose to someone with only a few years left on their career?

Undertaker will stay undefeated UNLESS he wants to really push a young superstar and put them on the map. I don’t see anyone on the WWE roster right now who deserves that push however there’s always Wrestlemania 27.

Who wins the Money in the Bank ladder match? My guess is either Matt Hardy or Christian, both of whom have lots of experience with ladders. And chairs and tables too.

Smackdown Match. Christian takes it.

There’s always a big plot reveal at major WWE events. What’s going to be the big one in this time around?

Wrestlemania is WWE’s Superbowl. I don’t really see any big plot revelations but rather exclamation points to story lines that have been going on since Thanksgiving.

Unlike most Pay Per Views, Wrestlemania normally is where feuds end and the matches there do become a part of the company’s legacy. There is really nothing like it.

It’s the one night were friends and fans, young and old, new and old viewers, or anyone who as ever enjoyed professional wrestling at any poin in their life can come together and watch a kick ass four hour show loaded with the best entertaining matches of the year.

I really can’t do that watching any other sport because I never really thought grown men tossing, throwing, passing, or hitting a ball around an arena or field was all that interesting. Every year I gather with friends around the TV who I don’t get to see too often , party hard into the night, and talk about old times growing up together.

I think any event such as a game or sports concert that is an excuse to bring people together is more than enough reason to celebrate.

My kids will watch wrestling. I will tell them stories about the time I saw Stone Cold pin HBK with Mike Tyson at the Garden at Wrestlemania 14 or losing my voice cheering in the balcony of the Worcester Centrum when Mankind pinned The Rock to win the WWE title for the first time.

And because Vince McMahon needs the money, you know Wrestlemania is going to live forever………

Thanks for taking the time to sit down with Angry Seafood Paul. It was a pleasure and a lot of fun.

Hell yea Cameron, and if I didn’t live at my Mom’s house l I’d invite you over this year but shes pissed that the living room is already at capacity. Always next year.

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Oh the humanity.

With one fell swoop in the form of a three-point shot, Northern Iowa took out #1 seed Kansas in the NCAA Tournament Saturday, dashing the Jayhawks’ hopes for a championship.

But there was something much worse…

"...and the ninth-ranked Panthers have stunned the number-one seed Kansas here at the Ford Center..."

That disturbance Obi-Wan felt Saturday night was the screams of millions of brackets vaporized like Alderan.

Even the President had Kansas winning it all which begs the question: if Northern Iowa wins the tournament what will the over/under be on the number of underdog jokes at the White House meet-and-greet?

On a personal note, the Kansas loss was not a big deal to me. It was the other forty-seven losses that were my undoing.

Before the Death Star picked on the brackets having the Jayhawks winning the tournament, it warmed up with some target practice on mine.

I’m still sticking with my Kentucky/Syracuse final, Darth Vader be damned.

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Really Boston? Really?

Wow. Just wow. The Celtics got beaten by the Nets, a team that has won two road games all season.

Make that three wins.

Kevin Garnett sums up the game…

Three players had 21+ points for the Nets. Lopez and Harris earned half their points at the free throw line.

Hell, New Jersey might as well have set up camp at the line. They visited the damn thing forty-one times.

The Celtics squad even watched an upcoming documentary about the Bird vs. Magic rivalry before the game.

But still they found a way to lose against the worst team in the league.

It could be worse. The Celtics might lose a game to the lowly Nets but the Garden will never see the abysmal level of attendance of a game in the Izod Center.

Did they even break 1,000?

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