Welcome to another edition of Bloggers Speak where Angry Seafood sits down with other online humorists and ask them funny questions every Friday. This week I am joined by The Nemesing One from the humor blog I’m Sure I Don’t Know and he was kind enough to give a two-part interview.

[Unfortunately, a few months after this interview, The Nemesing One was killed in a traffic accident. R.I.P. my friend.]

How’s it hanging Nemesing One?

Well ya know, I haven’t seen my “jimmy” in so long due to my enormous belly that I can’t really say. It’s squished, that much I know.

Should we re-structure holidays so the minor ones like Thanksgiving do not get in the way of the important ones like Christmas?

Ah, well that is one solution, but I’ve always looked at Christmas as a reward for all the gratitude you showed at Thanksgiving. I’m perfectly content with Thanksgiving being a springboard for Christmas, but now it looks like everyone, especially Walmart is trying to make Halloween the springboard. It drives me absolutely crazy.

I know we’ve only been paying lip-service to Thanksgiving, but now even that is gone. My real fear is that if we don’t knock it off, all of those pilgrims are going to re-animate, claw their way out of their graves and make us all pay for forsaking them.

Van Halen-Sammy or Dave?
Absolutely Dave – I have never been a big fan of Sammy – I mean he has his place in Rock & Roll history, don’t get me wrong, but how could anyone replace David Lee Roth? Much like Robert Plant to Led Zeppelin, David’s voice was more of an instrument unto itself. His whoops and wails and shouts were unwritten lyrics that made the whole song.

Who was funnier, Hitler or Che?

Hitler enjoyed a lot of success whereas Che was just an angry douche-bag who failed at about everything he set out to do. Hitler also had a lot of hot, blond, Bavarian chicks in shiny black leather uniforms hanging around. Not to mention German Lager vs. Coronas, I’m going to have to go with Hitler as being the more fun of the two of them.

Although, Hitler isn’t pushing the merchandise like he use to. His novel Mein Kampf was the #1 selling book in Germany (and the ever-increasing surrounding areas) from 1935 till 1945. And Swastikas were very chic. Not so much today though. There seems to be a lot of stigma surrounding the wearing of Nazi symbols and such.

Che on the other hand, although a rampant communist hell-bent on destroying capitalism has become a huge brand name and has enjoyed a lot of financial success.

Hitler = much funnier but has a major PR problem.
Che = total downer, but is very popular with the kids.

What would be the funniest way to leave your wife or dump a girlfriend?

I’ve heard that texting your breakup is the new rage, but I couldn’t do that. I would like to it’s just I don’t own a cell phone.

There is no really gentle way to go about it so I think going for the jugular is the only way: I would send her a bouquet of nearly dead flowers with a note saying, “My love for you is dead, like these flowers, oh and I’ve found someone prettier and thinner and younger than you, but hey we sure did have a good run didn’t we? Oh and BTW, I f*cked your little sister, thought you ought to know.”

Of course, I don’t see this happening in the Nemesing home.

Will this be the hottest toy this Christmas season?

Wow! That was really, really bad, but it’s not too far off base is it. I mean I’m at Walmart with my 7-year old son just last weekend and we’re looking at action figures and he’s deciding which ones he wants for Christmas and then we see the Jesus and Mary action figures and he says, “Dad. I don’t think Jesus would appreciate that very much.” Even a 7 year old knows these things are wrong.

Read the conclusion to The Nemesing One’s interview…
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