A Liberal Look at Earth Day

Today is Earth Day and I have decided to finally drink the Kool-Aid and buy into the moonbat, I mean liberal thinking on humans’ impact on Mother Gaia. From now on I am on board with all of it from global cooling in the 1970’s to global warming in the 1990’s to the global luke-warming today. Sorry I’m still new to this I meant climate change.

Here is what I would do to save Gaia because I’m a liberal now and I think people are anti-Earth.

Turn off the Internet

Holy crap it uses way too much electricity and it helps supports the right-wing agenda to destroy the planet. Daily KOS and MoveOn would be transitioned to their own cable channel to counter the Republican rhetoric of FOX News. Twelve channels of porn will also be added to the cable lineup. Being a liberal I need to be able to find the Godless debauchery and freakiness I crave.

Go Gaia!

Eliminate Auto Racing

It is one of the top sports in the world and uses a ton of oil. Besides, it is dangerous to have that many drunken Republican NASCAR fans in one place. And think of the methane they give off. Sure, we’d lose Danica Patrick but we also could ban movies about racing which generally suck.

Long live Gaia!

Start Killing People

Fewer humans mean less carbon footprints right? I am not saying we all start up a personal killing spree because being liberal means not having a gun or the ability to buy one. I think something more subtle, like the short story ‘The Lottery’ or the Carousel in Logan’s Run will work fine.

Viva Gaia!

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