Posts from — February 2010

In Florida they do not mess around when the threat of a person wearing a clown mask hangs over Tampa like a dark cloud of It-ness:

A Tampa man faces charges after a deputy spotted him walking in a clown mask. According to jail records, the man was arrested Tuesday and charged with wearing a mask or hood on a public road over the age of 16 and resisting arrest without violence. The man, who turned 19 on Wednesday, has been released from Hillsborough County Jail on $750 bond.

The St. Petersburg Times reported that a deputy saw the man wearing a clown mask and bright wig as he walked down a street with two other people. The group fled when deputies tried to question them, but were later located.

That is some serious shit. A guy wearing a clown mask and a wig, fleeing from the law no less.

We can’t have clowns resisting arrest and evading the police, especially in Tampa. Have we forgotten so soon? Do we not remember Crescent Cove?

[Video link]

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Promises something for everyone…

Imagine the Love Boat but there are whores and more alcohol then Isaac could humanly serve ever. There are more fights then the Oasis brothers have had in their lifetime.

And they are all going to Australia:

Violence, drunkenness and all manner of debauchery featured on a six-month voyage on a migrant ship bound for Australia 170 years ago, a newly discovered diary reveals.

The raunchy tale of anarchy on the high seas is recorded by a junior officer, James Bell, aboard “The Planter” which sailed to Adelaide from Deptford in east London in 1838.

In the green vellum-bound journal, Bell tells how the captain regularly entertained two of the 11 daughters of a doctor-preacher from Liverpool called McGowan.

He wrote: “our captain of course could not want a mistress till he returned to his own in England, but made love to two of McGowan’s daughters … The Capt was allowed to keep the daughters company at all hours, and during the whole time of our being in warm weather our bed on deck sufficed for all three.”

Bell, whose 225-page diary goes up for sale at auction in London next month after being bought in a market stall for a pittance, said his crew were no better.

“Such an example was soon followed up by all the ship’s company but particularly by the three mates (who) carried immorality to a glaring height.”

Bell told how they blatantly took up with a band of prostitutes in search of a better life in the colonies.

If that ship was the Pacific Princess Captain Stubing would be sleeping with two of Doc’s eleven daughters. Vicki and Julie would be leading a band of prostitutes and taking up with some of the other officers. Gopher would be throwing down with Ace, whose arrival signals the jumping of the shark moment of the voyage by the way.

Bell summed up the Debauchery Boat the best, however when he said:

“With all this whoring and drunkenness, it is amazing this ship ever arrived in Australia.”

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Sunday was the premiere night of Old Man, the independent movie about an old war vet trying to escape the death camp that is his nursing home with the help of an old friend.

It was an entertaining film, a fun ride, and everyone in attendance had great things to say about Old Man. Here’s the recap video of the premiere:

Old Man is online and you can watch it at Megaton Films.

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As you can see in the photo, the Dalai Lama does not wear a jacket in the middle of Winter. Does he not feel the cold?

Maybe he is too enlightened.

Or perhaps the Dalai Lama is not only hiding a jacket under the robe but pork chops as well.

It could simply be that he is the Chuck Norris of the spiritual world.

Dalai Lama doesn’t wear a jacket. He makes the planet shiver instead.

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I got this pamphlet last night from one of my customers and apparently I appear to be a sinner. But at least I’m a grammatically-correct sinner…

Can that statement be anymore awkward and clumsy in its syntax? “All suffering soon to end“. Really? Come on.

How about “All suffering will end soon“?

And let me be the first person to say that the suffering will not end if that moose in the picture plods across the road in front of the Corvette you are driving, the one you have earned in the New World Order.

But this is what we can expect of course from the Jehovah’s Witnesses, a group that has failed to predict the end of the world repeatedly for the last frigging three decades.

The suffering might “soon to end” but the syntax errors won’t apparently.

And I’m considered the sinner. Weird. They can’t even get the language right.

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So the Biathlon, an event that combines cross country skiing and shooting stuff is an Olympic sport. What a weird combo.

Okay, I get it that the origins of the sport go back to training for Norwegian soldiers according to Wiki. It even says that during the 1950’s the event was “widely enjoyed by the public” which eventually led to it being included in the Winter Games.

How the hell was it widely enjoyed if there wasn’t the camera coverage we have today?

In the 50’s spectators would have seen a bunch of people ski off into the woods, heard some shooting off in the distance followed by the same skiers returning to the finish line.

And the fact that baseball is no longer an event but the biathlon still exists is baffling. But I digress.

How a sport that involves people skiing off into the woods then shooting stuff that is not wild game or their fellow competitors is allowed in the Olympics is baffling.

I think the Biathlon should be more like this:

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Yesterday, Gateway Pundit highlighted how the Alarmists said Global Warming would decrease and increase the amount of fog in San Francisco.

Now it is the coral reefs’ turn on the Merry-Go-Round:

“The polar snap enveloping much of the United States in record cold has been killing off coral reefs in the normally balmy warm waters off the Florida Keys, experts said Monday.”

Somebody get a crapload of soot so we can smear it all over it over the Artic, melt the ice, and warm this planet back up. (This was an actual idea when Global Cooling was in vogue in the 70’s.)

Worse yet, the article did not mention Global Warming at all. Not once. Shame on them for missing a golden opportunity to pull an Al Gore and talk out of both sides of their mouth.

Not to be outdone by the flip-flop on fog however, News-Press.com ran an article Tuesday claiming man-made Climate Change is still the culprit:

“Corals are really in crisis right now,” said Miyoko Sakashita, the center’s oceans director. “They were already undergoing major destruction from fishing practices and pollution. But now global warming and ocean acidification are major threats.”

Apparently, Miyoko Fullashita and the writer, Kevin Lollar did not get the memo about the cooling issue. And here I thought all liberals kept in touch with each other to be sure they all had the same talking points.

Silly me.

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Every Lost fan has their theory on what they think the show is about but rarely does anyone ever try and make sense of the main conflict of the show and how it will be resolved: Locke vs. Jack.

I think what will happen first is a “pawn rebellion”. Jack and the Losties will finally realize they are all being conned by Jacob and Smokey’s game and will break off into a third faction.

The Others will be forced to join them because they are afraid of jeopardizing the whole destiny list thing.

Since Smokey does not have Jacob to keep him in check, he will probably try to kill everyone on the island. Jack will lead everyone in the fight to stop the Nemesis and fight him one-on-one in some way.

And just when things look the bleakest, in comes the cavalry, a.k.a. Desmond to help ensure the victory for team Jack.

So what do you think will happen?

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The other day I reported on the phenomenon that is the “Can this pickle get more fans then Nickelback” Facebook Fan Page.

As of 9: 30 EST today, just minutes ago the pickle broke the one million fan mark…

Chad Kroeger could not be reached for comment.

And the movement is getting violent too. Here is exclusive footage of a recent Nickelback concert:

That just seems like a waste of a perfectly good pickle to me.

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At HBFFL, the official fantasy football league for humor bloggers we have a contest to pick the NFL playoff results. This year the loser had to write a blog post for the winner.

Going into the Super Bowl I was tied for first place in the predictions with Unfinished Rambler and one ahead of Renal Failure. Both of them picked the Saints. Could I have also picked New Orleans and thus cement at least a tie?

Yes, but like that onside kick to open the second half I played gutsy and picked the Colts. Besides, it’s Peyton Manning. The guy never makes crucial mistakes at the worst possible moment.

Whoops. Oh well. Here’s my post. Enjoy.

Life Begins at Un-Retirement

NFL player Junior Seau recently announced his retirement from pro football for the fourth time breaking Brett Favre’s record.

For now.

Read the rest…

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I read blogs like Passive Aggressive Notes and long for even knowing someone who was lucky enough to get one of these things.

Then one of my friends found this on her car:

The questions continued:

“honestly, what purpose did that note serve? it just pissed me off to have that note on my car. i couldn’t move my car? i couldn’t apologize? i couldn’t throw a dodge ball at her? i mean, just useless negativity…

…I mean the parking lot had huge snow curbs and it was like the march of the penguins to park.”

Most people are afraid of confrontation so they turn into pussies and leave pithy notes. That’s what purpose it served.

God help us if we ever get invaded. Instead of fighting back, our invaders will find stupid wimpy notes on their tanks and vehicles.

“Nice invasion job. Next time please only blow up my neighbor’s house instead of mine. What’s wrong with you?”

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I have no idea why Hasbro has decided to completely ruin a classic game. The new Monopoly is a shell of it’s former fun self:

Hasbro has unveiled the design of the new 75th anniversary edition of their classic board game, Monopoly, set to hit stores in fall of 2010. “Monopoly: Revolution Edition” is slick and round instead of dull and square, with debit cards and an ATM instead of paper money and a banker, clear plastic representations of the classic tokens (bye-bye, little boot!), and clips of popular songs (like Rihanna’s “Umbrella,” Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day,” and Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love”) that play after certain actions.

The game board looks like a roulette wheel. The song clips are already over-played. There is no paper money so there is no cheating.

Hey Hasbro there are only two ways to win in Monopoly: lucky die rolls or cheating. And how can you have a game based on the American capitalist system that involves luck but not cheating?

Is this Communopoly?

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I wish I could put one of these ads on a billboard in Massachusetts.

The Internet has been abuzz with rumors that if you drive down Interstate 35 near the town of Wyoming, Minnesota, you’ll see a billboard bearing the image of a smiling George W. Bush accompanied by the question “Miss me yet?”

Turns out it is real.

So who paid for it?

To get some answers, Yahoo! News tracked down Mary McNamara, the general manager at the Minneapolis office of Schubert & Hoey Outdoor Advertising, the company which owns and leases out the billboard space.

“The ad was purchased by a group of small business owners who wish to remain anonymous,” McNamara said. However, McNamara did offer this political bombshell: “Some of the people in the group who paid for this were Obama supporters.”

McNamara told us that the message the group hoped to convey was one of “Hope and change, where is it?”

I guess we can’t blame the ad on Bush since he is in it. Of course the liberals go to Plan B:

Cindy Erickson, the chairwoman of the Democratic Party in Chisago County, where the billboard is located, suspects the ad’s funders are conservative activists posing as Obama supporters.

“I don’t have any idea who did it, but my thought was that they’re Tea Party people,” she said.

Those awful Tea Party people with their bible and gun-clinging ways.

Frankly, I’m surprised Cindy didn’t blame Sarah Palin.Or is that Plan C?

(H/T to ABC News for picture)

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There are awkward work moments, then there are awkward work moments:

A red-faced banker has been caught looking at racy near-nude photographs on his computer, with his actions broadcast live on Australian television.

The Macquarie Private Wealth employee clicked up the images of Australian model Miranda Kerr, unaware a colleague nearby was doing a live television interview about the Australian economy.

Whoops! That’s a really bad place to be looking at racy photos, interview or not. You know what the bald guy is saying?

“HR on line two”

This is Miranda by the way:

Yeah, I wouldn’t throw her out of bed for eating crackers either.

Here’s the video of the interview.

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Old Man is an independent movie from Sweven Films about, well an old man. Two, actually. And agent-like bad guys with needles and sunglasses.

Here’s the plot:

Gus Crane, having narrowly escaped from a maximum security nursing facility, is unexpectedly reunited with old wartime buddy, ‘Buster.’ The nursing home, alerted of the escape, has dispatched a duo of deadly CNA’s to find Gus and bring him back to the home…

And the trailer:

Recently I sat down with the actors Mark Battle, who directed Old Man and starred as Gus Crane…

…and John Mason, who starred as Buster.

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