Bull Moose Crap Party Convention Underway; Nobody’s New VP Speaks

Hello everyone and welcome back to Local Cable Access Channel 23’s exclusive coverage of the 2008 Political Election Humor season. We are live at the Bull Moose Crap Party’s convention in the former Astrodome in Houston.

For those of you just tuning in, John Nobody was officially finalized as the Presidential candidate for the party earlier this afternoon and his acceptance speech will be on Friday.

But the big news today has been the Vice Presidential candidate. He or she is scheduled to give their acceptance speech any minute now but who it will be has yet to be announced. All we know is that Capt. H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock from the 80’s tv show The A-Team will be giving the introduction, and that…wait a minute folks…I’ve just been told that Murdock is…already giving his speech??!! We’re going live right now…man this station is a hackarama…oh sorry is my mike still on?

…our economy is like B.A. Baracus. It doesn’t want to get on that plane. But this Vice President wants to help knock out our economy in order to get it on that plane.

I give you the next Vice President of the United States of America and running mate of John Nobody…LOBO!

[cheers and rabid applause]

It is my pleasure

My fellow Americans.

YES! In your face, Diesel! Hahaha!! WooHOO!!!

[*ahem*]

I stand before you both humbled and exhilarated as John Nobody’s choice for Vice Presidential running mate.

I looked it up: it turns out to be a pretty important gig. An important gig consisting of long, long hours and hard work.

And after careful consideration I’ve decided to forgive John and except this nomination anyway. This country -in a time of great crisis- indeed needs new and dynamic leadership. Leadership like Bruce Willis circa Armageddon leadership … You know like when they crashed one of the spaceships on the asteroid and Steve Buscemi went loopy and started shooting stuff with a machine gun? At a million dollars per pound in fuel, why exactly did they bring a machine gun -complete with a tripod- to an asteroid?

Alright forget I said anything about Armageddon. How about Bruce Willis as officer John McClane in Die Hard. Eh? Now there’s a movie where Bruce Willis coulda used a machine gun complete with a tripod. And some shoes.

You know what? Let’s forget I said anything about Bruce Willis entirely. I am more like that much-needed machine gun -except unlike in Bruce Willis movies I am there when you need me. In fact, I’m more like attaching your machine gun to a loyal dog that is always at your side. Yeah. A loyal and bulletproof robot dog, that has super speed, incalculable strength, and X-Ray vision.

That can fly.

Yeah.

[cheers and applause as John Nobody joins LOBO on stage. "Crazy Train" begins to play.]

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Don’t miss the continuing coverage of the 2008 Political Humor Election season with John Nobody’s Bull Moose Crap Party Presidential Nomination Speech on Friday. Nobody can fix the economy.

Did you miss yesterday’s US Voter Jokes? What are you waiting for?

Humor-blogs. com has funny blogs and I’m pretty sure there are no lolcats. Let me know if you find any so I can post them. Those things are so darned cute. I’m going to go throw up now.

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