Welcome to ‘Bloggers Speak‘ where I sit down with other humor bloggers and ask them a bunch of crazy and odd questions. Today I am joined by none other than Les James, one of the very funny writers of everyone’s favorite political humor blog Radioactive Liberty and also his own military humor blog Sideshow Mirrors.
How’s it hanging Les?
What? The neighbor’s cat that was spraying my front door? Well, if you must know, by it’s neck. Kind of like a piñata. But it’s not looking very pretty since the wolverines started beating on it with sticks. Hang on a second, my wife’s screaming hysterically about something. What’s that, dear? It’s not wolverines? It’s what? Children? So? Sorry, I’ll be right back, she wants me to bring in the wolverine trap line. I don’t know if they’d have worked any way, since they’re so rusty.
Has Al Pacino been in a decent movie since the ‘Devil’s Advocate’ or was that his jumping the shark moment?
Humm…there seems that there might be two opposing questions involved here. First, there’s the possible assumption that in at least someone’s opinion -I not saying that it is or is not mine- the ‘Devil’s Advocate’ was a good movie. If you believe that it was, then it stands to reason it couldn’t be a ‘Fonze on a motorcycle’ moment. On the other hand, if you believe that the ‘Devil’s Advocate’ was not a seminal piece of cinematic art -and again not interjection my personal opinion one way or another- then one might conclude that , yes, it was the turning point for Al Pacino. I hope this answers your question. Thank you, and remember to vote for me in November.
If Hollywood could make a sequel to any movie or another sequel what would be their worst choice and what would the plot be?
Hands down, Mama Mia. Have you ever been trapped for hours in the backseat of a beater, sub-compact, driving down a rutted, pot-holed dirt road behind a chicken filled bus belching diesel fumes, with a screaming two-year-old next to you, the radio blaring salsa music, while the driver and his drunk friend sing off-key, with your bladder about to burst and the contents of your stomach surging up your throat? The original was like that for me. And I’ve only seen the previews! I can’t even imagine what a sequel would look like since this was a movie version of a play based on the lobotomizing music of Abba. So it could well be argued that a sequel has already been made. As for the plot…gimme a break.
Van Halen question- Sammy or Dave?
I’m not so sure I’d want either/or. I mean Sam and Dave were one of the all time great Motown duos. Wait, you’re asking about Van Halen aren’t you? True story. I saw these guys in the late 70’s doing cover tunes at a party in SoCal. I thought they sucked and were never going anywhere. This is the very reason that later I decided that I could never get into the stock market and make major bank. Had things been different, I’ll guarantee you we wouldn’t be having this conversion now.
Since Lindsay Lohan has gone lesbian, is there anything left she could do to attract attention?
Once you start down the path of self-destruction there’s only two ways to get attention. Either go into rehab or up the ante and I think the rehab thing is getting kind of old. My advice is to go for shock value. Leak poorly lit, shaky, amateur porn video of her and Rosie O’donnel. It would be like watching some horrid human tragedy. Scratch that. It would be horrid human tragedy. You know you should turn away but you stay and resist gouging your eyes out. Then you email the link to all your friends.
If everyone were required to serve in the military how much fun would it be to be Barack Obama’s Drill Sergeant?
I’m the wrong guy for this but it would be easy to set-up. Talking one of the big, black Infantry Drills into helping me would be simple enough. Drill Sergeants are notorious for their twisted senses of humor. It would go like this:
Drill Sergeant staring down at the scared, Little Private Obama. “Obama, huh? That’s an unusual name. Where were you born boy?”
“Ah, Honolulu, Hawaii,Drill Sergeant, ” he says nervously.
“Honolulu, you say. I really enjoyed begin stationed there. I was about your age then. What’s your mama’s first name?”
“Ann, Drill Sergeant.”
” Ann,” he says with a smile. The Drill Sergeant steps back, looks Obama up and down and then executes a smart about face and walks away. He turns his head and says over his shoulder. “You turned out alright.”
If you could create your own court procedural drama what would it focus on?
The inability to tell a racial joke correctly. Come on, how many times have you heard someone screw-up a perfectly good joke because it isn’t PC? “There was this, ah, guy, er, or I mean, person, who, ah looked, ah, you know, kind of different, but not a bad different…” Pathetic. I’d be wearing the black robe and powered wig. “You, skinny Arab guy”, I’d order, “get up and tell me Pollock joke.” “You, ugly Mexican looking lady, give me an Irish one.” You get the picture. If the jury doesn’t laugh, the defendant gets beaten with a rubber chicken, by a fat, Asian midget wearing nothing but a second hand Michael Phelps speedo, an endangered species fur trimmed cape and Groucho glasses.
What should we do about stupid people?
Spay and neuter. Unless there’s drugs or alcohol involved, smart people don’t -as a rule- breed with stupid people. Stupid plus stupid equals really stupid. Then these morons people grow-up and vote. We can see the effects of the sexual revolution on our society already. I use to wonder about the level of TV and political speeches. Now I know they’re just hitting their target markets.
Thanks for taking the time to do this Les. Any final thoughts?
Why is it that political speechwriters can’t get it right? They come so close to being funny, but then some how blow it. These guys need help. As a concerned American citizen, out of a sense of duty and patriotism, I’d like to offer my services…for a big, fat fee.
Les’ question for the readers:
How long do you think it’s going to be before the voices at fast food restaurant drive-throughs are out-sourced to India?
If you would like to be interviewed hit me up and we will make it happen. My only requirement is that you actually be funny and you have a blog. Boring interviews don’t make for good ones around here.
Visit the home for funny blogs, Humor-blogs.com. They are the funniest humor blog directory on the internet. They even have a version for computers.
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titanium and steel frame with full articulation and ball-bearing support for an easy, three hundred and sixty degree swivel. Twin digital gyro-accelerometers ensure that “it” is always kept at the optimum relative position. With this technology at my disposal, “it” is now accurate up to three hundred yards.
clichéd line like “it’s not you, it’s me” and then pull of my face to reveal that I am a precisely human-looking immortal alien.
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