My Childhood Gets Crapped On Again
Written by Chris C on August 14th, 2008The other night on Spike they played Star Wars episodes III and IV back-to-back which showed how much of an insult the prequels were. I feel bad for anyone who has never seen any of the six films because unless someone tells them otherwise, they will start with Phantom Menace.
Then they will get to Episode IV: A New Hope.
Oh there’s Darth Vader who is really Luke’s father gone bad. There’s Leia, Luke’s sister. There’s Luke who is Vader’s son. There’s Ben Kenobi not even giving the slightest inclination he has seen R2D2 before. There’s Ben telling Luke his father Anakin was dead when he really wasn’t. A part of me expected a shot of Obi-Wan looking at the camera and winking in that scene.
I also don’t remember Obi-Wan ever taking Anakin’s lightsaber at the end of Revenge of the Sith. If the Back to the Future franchise, one that is a tenth as valuable as the Star Wars one had the decency to try and maintain some kind of coherent continuity, what does that say about Lucas?
Now they are going to remake Children of the Corn, the classic horror film from 1984 for the Sci-fi Channel. I still don’t get why they had to re-do BG. They could have done the same concept without riding the coattails of the old show but at least it was well-written with good casting choices as well.
Okay, I will say one thing. The original producer is directing this one from his own screenplay so at least there is an inkling of hope. I have no idea if this means he will stick to the script of the original one or not or if the new version will even be as good, but still I ask why?
Jesus Christ, just remake The Breakfast Club while you are at it. Or Fletch. Or Caddyshack.
I can see it now…
Caddyshack III
Rodney Dangerfield dies at the beginning of the film and two of his employees cart his body around the golf course getting them into one crazy and awkward situation after another. Hilarity ensues.
So…what part of your childhood is being crapped all over these days?
(This is my last new post until like Tuesday or Wednesday. I’m going camping for a few days beginning Friday so talk amongst yourselves.)
Like funny blogs that don’t crap all over your childhood memories? Visit Humor-Blogs.com right away.
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They had better not ever, eeeevveeer, screw with Fletch.
Could you imagine that Decaprio moron explaining how he was late because, “damn manure spreader jack-knifed on the Santa Ana?” And what a mess it was? And how we should see his shoes?
Sorry Chris, I has my boundaries.
Have a good trip.
damons last blog post..Does That Come With Tentacles?
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Well there is the Fletch prequel which has been batted around Hollywood for the past six years or so.
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Rickey’s go no qualms with the recent Battlestar remake–the original was a cheesy 80’s show whereas this incarnation is well acted and downright badass.
Regarding Star Wars:
1) Obi-Wan does pick up Anakin’s lightsaber at the end of the fight in ROTS.
2) Ben tells Luke his dad is dead in order to protect him.
3) You’ve definitely got a point about Obi-Wan not recognizing R2-D2. Huge error on Lucas’ part. The official stance is that Lucas writes it off as Ben going crazy from living in the desert for all those years.
As a bit of a Star Wars nut, Rickey’s gripes with the prequels aren’t the continuity issues as much as the over reliance of cartoonish CGI. Then there’s the awful acting. And the ho hum plot about the trade embargo. And Jar-Jar. Pretty much the only thing that’s decent in the prequels is Natalie Portman in skimpy outfits.
Rickey Hendersons last blog post..Rickey Recommends
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and PS: amongst Star Wars geeks, the preferred phrase is actually “George Lucas raped my childhood!” Just an FYI.
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The prequels leave the plot of 4-6 like a Hitchcock film where the audience knows more about the plot then the characters. There is nothing wrong with this style but the original trilogy was not written this way. Plus it kills the entire twist of Empire. And Ben never seemed to be crazy but pretty freaking sane.
The new BG will look cheesy in 20 years. Look how slow the final Death Star battle in New Hope is. You have these seven-second shots of ships flying. All scifi dates quickly.
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It’s just a bunch of over-payed, liberal Hollywood types in make-up for heaven’s sake. Get over it!
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Got me so worked-up I couldn’t even spell paid correctly.
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As long as they don’t mess with “The Dude” because that kind of agression will not stand, man.
Seems the latest Hollywood trend to remake things as if the old versions never even existed. Take the Batman films, the new Bond film. Both franchises are refreshing and excellent but I find it disturbing to watch as they reinvent old characters in whatever way they see fit.
VEs last blog post..VE Almighty
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The new BG, was a bit meh, I only kept watching it because I’m a closure freak. And no ones touching ‘Fletch’, I will stab anyone that does. George Lucas is a douche, can you even find the original cut of the original movies (well 4 and 5 god damn Ewoks) anymore without all the stupid cgi added bits he did back in the ninties or whenever. My big gripe is that Chewy and Luke never talk about the fact that they both know Yoda, surely there would at least be a small conversation. “Oh Luke your training to be a Jedi, I knew a Jedi once, small Green dude sounded like Fozzy Bear”
Alex L.s last blog post..Saturday Serial
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Well…Kenobi states that he doesn’t “remember owning droids” and in fact he technically didn’t own Threepio and R2.
Also, there are OTHER R2 units and R5 units and it has been SOOO long that maybe he just doesn’t recognize R2.
Furthermore,time has gone on and the Jedis are in hiding or extinct, so he probably wouldn’t have “given up” his familiarity with them instantly. Also, he was letting the truth unfold to Luke bit by bit.
I know its a stretch, but that’s how I see it. Just glad that the rumored “teenage Chewbacca and tween Han Solo” didn’t show up in episode III like was rumored. Now that would have been totally self indulgent. Sorry, but its trie.
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Yah good thing Chewbacca wasn’t in Ep III because that would have REALLY ruined it. Oh wait, he was.