Angry Seafood

Angry Seafood is on vacation this week and during the break we take a look back through the archives. Today’s Best of is the short story about wishes and modern business.

Enjoy.

Clang!

The shovel rang out as it hit an object buried in the backyard where I was digging the hole for the new in-ground swimming pool I envisioned going nicely with my new deck. I stopped for a moment, and then gingerly pried it from its resting spot. It was a bottle of some kind and covered in dirt and grime but I could make out a label of some kind faintly beneath the earthen buildup.

I used the bottom of my t-shirt to remove the gunk but it was stubborn. I rubber harder on the bottle and suddenly smoke and mist poured out. An olive-skinned man then appeared in from of me.

“Hello I am the genie of the lamp.” he said with a thick Indian accent.
“You don’t look like a genie.”
“Yes, these days the customer service portions of the genie industry are outsourced but I assure you I am American.”
“That is not an American accent.”
“Sure it is.”
“Fine. Whatever” I muttered as I looked the man over. “What about your turban and the vest?”
“I have three other customers on hold right now, do you want the wishes or not?”
“Sure.”
“You get three.”
“Ok, I want to be rich for starters.”
“Done” The genie snapped his fingers. “Look in your wallet.”
I nervously reached into my back pocket. I was disappointed when I saw the billfold was empty. “Umm what happened? There isn’t any money in here.”
“The license.”
I examined my driver’s license, and sure enough the name on it was Richard Cameron. “I didn’t mean literally.”
“Oh I am so sorry.” The genie snapped his fingers “Fixed.”
I looked again at my license and it was back to normal. “So we understand each other, when I mean rich…”
“I am sorry, I failed to mention turning you back into Chris required the use of your second wish, leaving you with one more. Use it wisely.”
“Wait, you screwed up not me”
“I am sorry, I failed to mention turning you back into Chris required the use of your second wish, leaving you with one more. Use it wisely.”
“Do you even understand what I am saying?”
“Yes.”
“Then why did that cost me a wish?”
“You have one more wish. Use it wisely.”
I sighed as I tried to be clearer this time. “I want a million dollars! Pennies from heaven, that whole thing.”

“Done.” The genie snapped his fingers one more time. “It has been a pleasure doing business with you, good day.” Snapping his fingers one last time, he disappeared. No sooner had he vanished when pennies began raining down from the sky. I ran for cover on the porch and watched the backyard slowly fill up with what I assumed were one hundred million coins.

“Friggin’ outsourcing.”

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