2008 July | Angry Seafood

Archives for July, 2008

30 Jul

It’s a Bad World After All (And Humor-less too)

Posted on 2008 under Politics/Religion | 8 Comments

(Les James, one of the political humor writers at Radioactive Liberty is here to do a guest post today for Angry Seafood and he has a song to sing for us.)

It’s a Bad World After All

by Les James

For those of you who’ve ever had to sit through Disney’s it’s a small world boatercade of mental cruelty, I offer some relief. Next time that insidious tune invades your brain; threatening your sanity, fight back! Memorize these alternative lyrics. They’ll reduce the effects of that Utopian, life is so sweet it’ll make you gag, Rodney King-like “Can’t we all get along“, children can show us the way, bull crap and bring you back to reality.

It’s a world of dread

and a world of tears

It’s a world of death

and a world of fears

Bombs can be made

from items used everyday

It’s a bad world after all

It’s a mad, bad world

It’s a world of guns

and a world of drugs

It’s a world of gangs

and a world of thugs

There’s no hope to be found

It’s all falling down

It’s a bad world after all

It’s a mad, bad world

It’s a world of hate

and a world of pain

It’s a world of loss

and a world of shame

There’s nothing to mend

Were close to the end

It’s a bad world after all

If you’ve now got the horrid tune spinning around the inside of your cranium…you’re welcome.

Coming Friday: The August Movie Preview. It may be late summer but the summer film season keeps up the heat with The Mummy, Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder, and even a political movie that doesn’t look boring.

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28 Jul

Bloggers Speak: Chelle B from ‘The Offended Blogger’

Posted on 2008 under Bloggers Speak | 11 Comments

Welcome to ‘Bloggers Speak‘, the on-going feature where I sit down with other humor bloggers and ask them a bunch of crazy and odd questions. Today I am joined by Chelle B. from the humor blog Offended Blogger.

Normally I would ask ”how’s it hanging” but since Chelle doesn’t have an ‘it‘ that hangs I skipped this part…

Worst movie sequel ever made?

Hands down, Caddyshack II.

Any fan of the movie Caddyshack would have to agree with me on this one, right?

I mean, what the hell were they thinking? It was like they were spitting a big ol’ theatrical lung booger into the faces of Caddyshack fans with that piece of drivel.

Senator Nancy Pelosi hasn’t gotten any action in quite some time. What do you think is the over/under on years since Pelosi has had sex and why?

Between you and me, I don’t believe Nancy Pelosi has ever had sex, which is why she has that freakish look on her face all the time. Or maybe that’s why she’s never had sex to begin with, I dunno.

I mean, either way, would you do her??

I know I definitely wouldn’t do her!! Well, you know, if I had the equipment to do her with that is.

Blech!

Van Halen question- Sammy or Dave?

Hmmm! That’s a hard one! I think I will have to say that I would have preferred to dance in the streets and run with the devil with Dave. Well, back when he was in his prime of course.

Nowadays he looks like he has been run over by the devil’s private fleet of garbage trucks.

Blech again!

Your significant other tells you that the news that semen can be used as an alternative fuel source. Never leave the house or take a trip cross-country?

Ooooh! My bags would be packed and I’d be strapped in and ready to go before he even finished (telling me the news story that is).

Hooyah!

What celebrity would you curse with a plague and why?

A better question would be which celebrity wouldn’t I curse with a plague! They are all just lucky I don’t have the ability to curse them all because I’d be a cursing fool. Hell, I’d make it a full time job cursing celebrities.

I mean honestly, are there any celebrities worthy of not cursing these days?

Ugh.

What would be the funniest way to dump a boyfriend?

Ummm… by calling to tell him that I heard on the news that semen can be used as an alternative fuel source and that I decided to do my part to help the environment (and my favorite baseball team!) by hitching a ride on the Mariner’s bus?

If you could create your own court procedural drama what would it focus on?

Oh, I’m sorry, I’m still daydreaming that I’m on the Mariner’s bus doing my part to save the planet…

What was the question??

Oh yeah! Of course it would be all about those poor afflicted people who sue over being offended by something, what else?!

I would have to be the judge though, and believe me, I would make Judge Judy look like Mary frigging Poppins.

Thanks for taking the time to do this Chelle. Any final thoughts?

Oh, I’m sorry, I’m still daydreaming that I’m on the Mariner’s bus doing my part to save the planet…

What was the question??

Chelle B’s question for the readers:

If you could pick just one illegal offense to commit, and you were guaranteed to get away with it, what would it be and why?

Would you like to sit down for a Bloggers Speak interview? All you need is to be a part of a humor blog and be funny then contact me to make it happen.

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26 Jul

Weekend Musical Interruption: Devour by Shinedown

Posted on 2008 under Miscellany of Humor | 4 Comments

Despite the fact there is some kind of humor topic I could write about on the weekends, I like to take it easy. But yet I still get decent traffic on Saturdays and Sundays. So for the weekend warriors of Angry Seafood I give you something different…a music post.

Devour by Shinedown

God damn that song kicks some major ass. I didn’t know Shinedown had that in them. But what happened to the guitar solo? It has been replaced by a running base line and vocals acting as a solo. It fits in well, and works well for Devour don’t get me wrong but it is a reminder that the days of someone going crazy with a guitar solo may be past us.

None the less, never forget the pioneers like Eddie Van Halen…

Do you like funny blogs that worship Eddie Van Halen?

Did you not read my review of The Dark Knight? What are you waiting for? Humor?

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23 Jul

Dark Knight: 155 Minutes of Awful

Posted on 2008 under Television/Movies | 32 Comments

Not only did Dark Knight lack any kind of humor, it may be one of the worst films I have ever seen. Batman & Robin was worlds better. When I heard Estell Geddy died, it reminded me of another film better then the Bat-Failure: Stop or My Mom will Shoot.

Hell, even the old television show was more entertaining.

The old-walking-up-the wall trick, now those were special effects. All Batman does in Dark Knight is skydive. Frigging unimpressive if you ask me. Hell, even James Bond can climb things with his magic jumping ability in Casino Royal. And didn’t some guy climb a skyscraper the other day without his bat-cable and bat-grappling hook?

There aren’t even any of the trademark ‘Thwack’ and ‘Pow’ sounds either. How I didn’t walk out is beyond me.

Then there is Batman’s voice. He talks so deeply as if he is trying to break the world record for lowest-recorded human octave. I still don’t understand why they didn’t bring back Val Kilmer. He was awesome as the winged crusader and didn’t have a corny superhero voice.

I am hoping in the next film, Batman gets throat cancer and loses his larynx. Then he can talk with an electronic Bat-voice. But that would make it easier to figure out that Bruce Wayne is the Dark Knight. Then again nobody questions Clark Kent and all he does is wear glasses. Superman can never ever get contacts or Lasik which must suck but this is not about an actual cool superhero. This is about a creepy rich guy with a bat fetish.

Please, no more loud whispering.

Speaking of bad vocals, everyone is raving about the Joker. Blah blah blah. No villain with that nasally voice would have made it in the real world. There would have been constant jokes where his fellow cohorts and underlings would hold their nose and say “Kill the Batman” followed by “Joker’s standing right behind me isn’t he?”

That would cause a lot of employee turnover, something no CEO or mob leader wants. There is no way this would work in real life. Thankfully, Ledger isn’t around to repeat his horrific performance. It was so bad the role killed him.

Of course the new ‘trilogy’ copies the old one. So they started with Sandman instead of the Joker. Big deal. Here we go again with Two-Face. Maybe in the third one Verne Troyer can play the Penguin. I wonder who will play Robin? How about that kid in Journey to the Center of the Earth? He’s annoying enough to take on the role of a lifetime.

To top it all off, the Dark Knight becomes a bad guy at the end. I am so tired of them changing the plots of the old comic books. What’s next, Spiderman having an evil suit? Someone besides Tony Stark in the iron suit? Hulk being separated from Bruce Banner? Stop messing with the real continuity and story arcs for the love of God!

I think the final scenes would have been a lot better if Angelina Jolie showed up and threw her bullet, killing Batman, the Joker, anyone who green-lighted this train wreck, and finally herself because all of their names showed up on the weave. Then we could finally move on to a real superhero and have some humor at the same time.