Guest Poster, Bo Diddley and Other Miscellany

The great poet of the spoken word Eminem once opined that sometimes you need to clean out your closet. In my case, it means short humor topics that aren’t long enough for a regular post instead of a dead hooker.

A Real-Life Guest Poster Tomorrow

That’s right Angry Seafood has its first guest poster: Andy Tilley. And he is not a fictional character or anything. He is a humor blogger from across the pond and also the author of Recycling Jimmy, a dark comedy about a man who, after a failed suicide attempt, starts up a service to help others succeed where he did not.

His guest post is called “Have British jokes finally made it across the Atlantic?” and it compares British and American comedy.

R.I.P. Bo Diddley

You have probably heard by now that a pioneer of music and truly one of the best-ever, Bo Diddley died Monday at the age of 79. But did you know I once brought him room service? He was staying at a hotel in Pawtucket, RI. I worked at way back in college, and when he opened the door there he was, the living legend of music in a bathrobe, boxers, and black socks. His guitar was on the chair of course, and I also got his autograph. It was kinda weird but as Christopher Walken said once: “I put my pants on like everyone else, except when I do I make gold records.”

Letter Grades

I didn’t know that schools are doing stuff like making every failing grade a score of 50.

If every grade is a ten point margin, then why not assign letters for EVERY grade? Imagine when little Jimmy comes home and tells his dad how badly he did on his report card. His father will ask if he slept through the classes and Jimmy will reply: “yah, see all ‘Z’s.”

Midget Neighborhoods

In every city and town there are neighborhoods where groups live together, based on ethnicity, sexual gender, etc. The Portuguese might live on the north part of town for example and the Jews might live over on the east side.

So how come there isn’t an enclave of midgets anywhere?

It isn’t like you go into the city on the tour bus and there’s Chinatown on the right and up ahead is Midget Town. They like to come up to the tour bus so keep your hands inside please. And don’t feed them.

Evolution Meddling

This is where I think we fuck up the whole ‘letting-nature-take-its-course’ thing.

So they found this bald penguin and made him a wetsuit so he would be able to survive. Wonderful, we saved one animal. If we left nature alone that penguin would have died. But a funny thing happens with evolution. Since the animal is alive and able to pass on its bald genes to its offspring it will create more hairless penguins.

Great.

So what happens now? We have to make more penguin suits and pretty soon we have a whole species of them we have to cloth. Meanwhile little Haji, a human being sits in a mud hole in Africa without a shirt.

If we left nature alone that lone penguin would have died and that would be the end of it. But of course the liberals will cry about how we aren’t saving animals and the potential job losses in the penguin fashion industry.

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