The Power of Positive Thinking

Original Humor by Chris Cameron

28 May

The Power of Positive Thinking

Posted on 2008 under Miscellany of Humor |

In college I had to take a class called ‘Positive Mental Attitude’, or PMA. The teacher was one of those people that was always happy no matter how bad life got. There was always a bright side. If her car broke down and she had to walk ten miles to work while seagulls and pigeons crapped all over her, she would simply say “Well at least it didn’t rain” or “At least I didn’t get raped by midgets”.

She even had conjoined twins. I am not making that up. I guess she is someone who needed a PMA but I really wanted to see her go through PMS once in a while just so I didn’t think she was an alien or a psycho hopped up on Prozac.

I never went back after the first day because the class smelled like patchouli oil and I already had a PMA. If I didn’t have one I would not even be in college. I tried to argue this to get out of the class but was unsuccessful, took a zero and the hit to my GPA.

There are still wackos like that teacher in society. Take Sharon Stone for example. Last week she implied that maybe if the Chinese were nicer to Tibet there wouldn’t have been an earthquake.

“I’m not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else…and then this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and then I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice that the bad things happen to you?”

Maybe if China thought more positively of their smaller sibling country hundreds of thousands of people would have lived. We should have sent that teacher to Bejing to teach those mean people a lesson according to her.

We have seen what a snatch shot in a movie did to Sharon’s acting career so she might have a point about karma. Still, I think members of the SGA are a little too full of PMA.

On a side note, Sharon Stone sounds like like one of those stoner girls back in high school that liked getting drunk and having sex with anyone. I guess going from that to acting isn’t too much of a stretch. Unlike her coochie…wow did I just go there?

How about people who think we will have flying cars someday? Imagine what it would be like if there was an up-and-down part to the process? Never mind the DMV issues, we don’t drive well on the ground. They never told us how many traffic accidents there were on the Jetsons. People jump in and out of flying cars in ‘Star Wars III: Garbage Dump of the Trilogy‘ so much it is like the sky is one big jungle gym.

We already believe in the fiction that passes for news these days on FOX, MSNBC, and CNN so it isn’t much of a stretch for people to think they can do crazy things in real life.

Hey person who thinks this can happen: stop thinking positive. You aren’t Anakin Skywalker you dipshit. Pull that crap and you’ll end up DOA.

Sorry, that was being too negative. Perhaps I need to go back to college and take that PMA class after all.

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