I think I am one of the few happy people on Mondays. Unlike most of you, I don’t work a normal 9-5 job. This weekend, some of you acted like the slutty girl above who hops in bed with any decent-looking guy who will show her a glimmer of attention. Some of you were doing the Easter thing instead of Dueling Bedsprings. I don’t even want to know what a few of you do on your weekends. Anything that involves a ball gag, a transexual Bavarian midget, and a donkey is TMI in my book.
My job is waiting tables and the weekends are my busy time. I serve you food and laugh at your corny jokes I’ve heard more times then “I’m a great tipper” while all of you get to relax for a few days.
Sure waiting on people it is a pain in the ass sometimes and most of you don’t even realize you have some level of social anxiety. An adult with nervous laughter after ordering a beverage is a sure sign of it. Many of you also don’t like to make eye contact which is odd.
Just something I noticed about my fellow humans. If none of you want to deal with the problems it really doesn’t affect me. Hell, don’t do anything about it so I can go back in the kitchen and make fun of you.
Me: “The guy at table 32 ordered a Coke and twitched twice.”
Co-worker One: “Classic case of childhood abandonment. ”
Co-worker Two: “I don’t know Bill. Freud would look at it more like something to do with the Ego stage of life.”
Co-worker Three: “Is anyone going to help me get ice or run food? Holy crap you guys suck!”
And so it goes in my line of work. Everyone reads too much into things until someone flips out because we are all standing around talking instead of doing our job. It’s almost like a combination between a Three’s Company episode and the prom scene in Carrie, just without all the blood, fire, and death and a lot more profanity.
I don’t even know if that made any sense. But I do know is while the rest of you are now working and wondering where the weekend went, I get to go anywhere I want crowd-free because my days off are during the week .
Neener neener neener. It is my time to relax. Oh, and get me a soda and some buffalo wings. I’m a great tipper, honest.
I don’t know if Humor-Blogs.com has a job but it works
great for finding funny humor blogs! Waka waka
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by Fanton, on March 24 2008 @ 4:34 pm
Haha! I work in a similar sort of service-based job, and get Mondays and Tuesdays off. My weekend is at the week-start - IMAGINE!
In your face, rest of the world!
Fanton’s last blog post..Egg-cellence
by Chris C, on March 24 2008 @ 8:50 pm
To be honest I actually work on Mondays because I choose to. I like to go with a Tues/Wed combo usually.
by don, on March 24 2008 @ 10:50 pm
I had no idea that there were such deep and erudite debates going on back in the kitchen. You learn something new every day! No wonder you guys are called Service Professionals.
Next time I’m at McDonald’s, I’m going to ask the guy at the counter to take a look at my bad back.
don’s last blog post..Things Are Looking UP!
by VE, on March 25 2008 @ 1:46 pm
I used to read another blogger that waited restaurants. She had such great stories nearly every day. I missed it when she decided to quit. Personally, I try and avoid work…its much too time consuming and overrated. I like the one where they pay me but I don’t really work. So far its been working out just fine.
VE’s last blog post..The Stupid Music Industry
by Jeff, on March 26 2008 @ 3:25 pm
I worked in restaurants for years before I went on the road when I was younger. I worked out front and in the back and loved the interaction. There’s nothing like a bunch of waiters and cooks when it comes to lewd and lascivious conversation. Aw, now you’re making me nostalgic.
Jeff’s last blog post..March Malaprops
by Fiar, on March 27 2008 @ 2:14 pm
OK, First of all, the midget is Ukrainian, not Bavarian. Second, I think that you would be a perfect addition to the festivities. You must never make eye contact, and call the donkey by his proper name, Sir Anthony Hopkins. It will be worth your while. I think you’ll find that we are great tippers.
by Chris C, on March 27 2008 @ 5:47 pm
please, Ukranian midgets are ugly compared to Bavarian ones. Plus I like how some of them speak German which is interesting.
by Fiar, on March 30 2008 @ 5:13 pm
Well, whatever floats your boat. It takes all kinds I guess.
Bavarian? *Shudders*
Fiar’s last blog post..Sunday Retarded Argument #16