Welcome to another edition of “Bloggers Speak” where Humor By Angry Seafood interviews the authors of funny blogs. We are joined today by Humor-blogs.com member and also one of the founders of the new online humor magazine ‘Clay Pigeon’ Frogster from The Frog Bog.
Chris: Welcome to the feature Frogster. How are you doing?
The Frogster:Ahem. Hah-hem! MA MAY MEE MO MOO MO MEE MAY MAAOOOAAOOO. Test test test. Hem! Hah-hem! Hooooaaaaaccchhh- wait, are we on?
TF:As a stereotypical Pisces, I’ve given the Ides of March a great deal of thought. After, that is, the cops talk me off the bridge, because I am, after all, a stereotypical Pisces. The whole Ides of March is just bad PR. Sure, the Ides of March has featured some unfortunate events, such as Liz Taylor marrying Richard Burton, Hitler invading Czechoslovakia and the NFL’s Cardinals moving to Arizona. But we’re overlooking a reason to celebrate this wonderful day- the birth of Fabio Lanzoni, international supermodel and author of three titallating novels, Pirate, Rogue and the inimitable Comanche. The Ides March to their own drummer, and he is simply beautiful.
C: Great taste or less filling?
TF:See, Chris, this is what’s wrong with the world today. we’re all locked into this black/white, right/wrong, Yankees/Red Sox mindset. Beverages are not a zero-sum game. I don’t see why we can’t be happy with reasonably good, somewhat filling beverages.
TF:Well, when I enhanced myself, I had pretty high hopes. I started feeling pretty manly, but my wife was somehow unimpressed. I don’t get it. I’m running around biting the tops off of beer bottles, shaving with a rusty axe and filling the air with my natural male pheremones, but no lovin’. I thought chicks dug that kind of stuff.
C: There is a steel cage wrestling match between Hillary Clinton, a small grizzly bear, a mime, and John McCain. Tell us what you see.
TF:Hmm. If it was a large grizzly bear, or Ron Paul instead of McCain, this would be an easy question. With the four participants listed here, I see the mime performing the “trapped in a box” routine and the other three tearing themselves to pieces trying to escape. This is the power of the mime, and the fear of that power is what drives comics to take such pleasure in skewering this particular life form so completely.
C: I ate lard today-can I still call myself a Vegan?
TF:In my experience, you can call yourself a Vegan any time you feel the need. They’re usually pretty easy.
C: How do they change tires so fast at a NASCAR race, are the lugnuts attached to the rims somehow?
TF:They don’t get changed fast. That’s all trick photography. The problem is, no one could ever bear to sit in the sun watching cars go around in circles for four hours if they were sober. So, since every member of the live audience has no recollection of the race afterwards, there is no one that the television stations, always looking for that extra bit of excitement, needs to be accountable to.
C: What do you do about “The Annoying Guy” at work?
TF:I ask him if he’d like to read the latest copy of “The Watchtower” when I’m done with it.
C: When did you first discover all the similarities between yourself and Brad Pitt?
TF:Ah, yes, you’ve heard. My first clue was that night Jennifer Anniston stood on my lawn holding a boom box above her head playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” over and over and over. I couldn’t get any sleep until I turned the sprinkler on her.
C: Thanks a lot for taking the time to do this interview Frogster. Any parting thoughts?
TF:When do I get my complimentary “Angry Seafood” skateboard sticker? I need to make my board a little more dope.
The Frogster’s question to the readers: I’m a student of the human equation, and in my quest for knowledge, I’d like the readers to fill in the blank: “If loving ______________ is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
Disney is reviving their ‘House of the Future’ attraction in May and like a high school reunion, it will look dated in a decade.
Remember when you bought your first PC and how pissed off you got when you saw cheaper, more powerful computers a month later? Imagine buying a house of the future and the talk around the water cooler…
“So then a year ago we bought the House of the Future 1.0. It has fully-integrated networking between our appliances, computers, home entertainment. It talks to us and helps us organize our lives better.”
“Oh that’s the old model John. We just bought the 2.0 version and it has robots. Half the price too.”
“Son of a bitch.”
To avoid awkward moments like these I think there should be some practicality in the house of the future.
I would like to see special features for the television/audio system like ‘Chipmunk/Helium Speak’. If politicians are going to talk about government-managed health care and the re-distribution of our money they should sound as ridiculous as the concepts themselves.
Maybe in the house of the future there will be politicians who aren’t in it to boost their egos or status in society making such a feature unnecessary. You never know.
If I can’t have that pipe dream at least give me a wall made of foam, just one anywhere in the house where I can bang my head anytime a politician says or does something stupid.
I want bar codes to be able to inventory the groceries in my house and communicate this with my cellphone in some way.
“This is Kathy from OnStar Mobile. How can I help you today Mr. Cameron?”
“Yes, I’m outside the liquor store…and its about to close!”
“Mr. Cameron, I need you to calm down sir. My computer is loading your household inventory…”
“Hurry, he’s getting his keys!”
“Almost there sir…”
“Chloe I need those files!”
“Got it! Buy more beer.”
I want the bathroom floor to be grated so when stupid shit like an overflowing toilet happens or my future offspring runs the shower with the curtain open because he thinks it is funny the water will have a better place to go then the hallway.
I want escalators instead of stairs. We invented the damn thing like a hundred years ago for crying out loud. Besides, we as a nation have a goal of complete and utter obesity. This cannot be achieved in the future without some kind of radical change. The elimination of having to climb flights of stairs is that agent.
I would like my house to talk to me. Dirty.
I want to come home and have the dirty house voice greet me with television listings. I know it sounds like I’m channeling Michael Rapaport’s character in Sixth Day but at least there’s no hologram in my vision.
And if there was I could totally rag on Mr. 2.0 House of the Future Guy.
What is your House of the Future like?
Humor-blogs.com has a funny future. Go there to laugh in
the present and don’t worry about the time/space paradox.
There is the list of the Ten Smartest Shows and the Ten Dumbest Shows. So where are the shows for the humor lovers? Angry Seafood is here to help with our official list of the television shows we think are the funniest.
2. Seinfeld
No list of funny television shows is complete without this one, the show about nothing. The soup nazi…festivus…and of course the infamous scene below all make up one of our favorite tv choices in the humor department.
The oddest thing is for like the first two seasons nobody watched it. Amazing what a table change at a diner will do for ratings. The series finale was an interesting way to try and tie up all the loose ends but it gave you the sense it became less about nothing and more about something.
5. South Park
It is rare that a show can be so offensive and funny yet be so dead-on when it comes to topicality, twisting current events on their head. In the end, they joke about messages but there really is one in every episode we can all learn from. Awwww
7. SCTV
Unless you grew up in Canada you probably missed out on one of their best humor exports Second City Television. Starring many of the comedians you know and love like John Candy, Rick Moranis, and Eugene Levy, it was about a local tv station with their own form of programming like ‘Shoot at the Stars’ and ‘Doug and Bob McKenzie’ which later turned into the movie Strange Brew.
8. Happy Days
Life in the 50’s sure was cool except for that time Richie told Fonzie to ‘Sit on it’.
“In my office Cunningham!”
Times sure have changed since the 1950’s. The cool guys don’t live above people’s garages anymore. Those places are reserved for the creepy bloggers like me.
Without Happy Days there would have been no Laverne and Shirley, Mork and Mindy, the phrase ‘jumping the shark‘, or Fonzie’s Place.
And where the hell did Chuck go?
10. Wings
Tv.com calls this 90’s under-rated sitcom Cheers 2 which might be a compliment. I don’t agree but you can’t beat a combination of good acting and good writing along with funny guest stars like Gilbert Godfrey and James Handy.
The other five shows I didn’t bother with. They really weren’t that good anyways.
Visit Humor-blogs.com because they love television humor.
And potty-mouths. And they are funny.
If you have ever wondered about the similarities of albinos to gremlins or how famed actor Brian Dennehy really feels about Native Americans then the new weekly online humor magazine Clay Pigeon is a must-read.
The brainchild of Mattress Police and Humor-Blogs.com founder Rob Kroese, aka “Diesel, the site is a collection of new and old blog posts, rants, and odd humor from the staff and contributors.
Along with founders Joel Bezaire (aka “Crummy Joel”), from Crummy Church Signs, Jocelyn from O Mighty Crisis, Karl Mueller (aka “the Frogster”) from the Frog Bog Blog, and Neva (aka “Snuppy”) who used to run Central Snark, as well as multiple contributors, Clay Pigeon starts off with a great foundation of funny.
Beginning with a letter from publisher Rusty Gibbons, who’s convinced there will soon be just a past, present, and internet it gets rolling from there with great content like The Top 10 Most Homoerotic Presidential Movies of All Time and Dear Obnoxious Morning DJs.
Judging from the first issue, it looks like the readers will have no idea what they might find every week in Clay Pigeon. As long as the content is funny I am sure few will mind the miscellany.
Humor-Blogs.com suddenly feels like the middle sibling of
the family. Give it some attention and go visit.
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Welcome to another edition of “Bloggers Speak” where Humor By Angry Seafood interviews the authors of funny blogs. We are joined today by Humor-blogs.com member and also one of the founders of the new online humor magazine ‘Clay Pigeon’ Frogster from The Frog Bog.
I would like my house to talk to me. Dirty.
