Angry Seafood

It is bad enough the Christmas season starts in like August once the school shopping is over, but for some reason we torture ourselves for another week after December 25th.

I don’t get it. We bitch and complain for the whole month about how the meaning of the holiday is gone, how there is too much commercialism. Then we go and extend Christmas seven more days.

During the NFL games Sunday, which totally sucked ass by the way, there were tons of Christmas commercials. It’s December 30th! I thought why not head over to History Channel to see what is on, and lo and behold they still have their holiday icon up in the corner. Surf cable and there are more jewelry store commercials.

I get it. He went to Jared.

What gives America? Your kids either broke their new toys already or lost interest in them altogether. You used up your gift cards four days ago. There’s nothing left of Christmas 2007. It is the holiday carcass in the desert with the vultures circling overhead. Why are you still singing “Feliz Navidad’?

Thankfully, we all come to our senses on December 31st and focus on the world’s most-celebrated holiday, New Year’s Eve. It is a time for reflecting on the past year while having hope for the one ahead.

Until in a few weeks when the first credit card statements from the holiday spending arrive proving Christmas is never finally over.

Happy New Year everyone!

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As you sports nuts know next week is the start of the NFL playoffs and since I have been dying to do some sports writing I’m going to start up a new weekly column on Saturday, January 5, 2008 with my second annual postseason predictions and analysis.

Last season I did this on Associated Content (wk one, wk two, championship week, Super Bowl) and ended up with a 7-4 record. Yes, I know, I predicted the Chiefs to beat the Colts, and later the Bears to beat the Colts but I also predicted that a key turnover late in the Dal/Sea game would give the Seahawks the win. Still, 7-4 is pretty damn good I think.

For those of you newish to my writing, I am pretty good with my sports. Check out this insightful article on the 2007 NFL Draft. It even made the front page of the site.

For you fantasy football nuts, I wrote about my attempt to play to lose on purpose in 2006. I also wrote a fun piece on the Five Oddest Players in Baseball.

On a side note, the nickname ‘Tuna’ was given to me by co-workers a few years ago due to the fact I used to eat tuna sandwiches for breakfast daily. With chocolate milk no less. An odd combo I know.

So tune in every Saturday for ‘Tuna on Sports’ beginning next week. Analysis and insight as good as the pros just without all the talking points and focus groups.

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The other night I got a phone call. I thought it was a telemarketer.

“Hello Chris?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“It is God. How are you doing today?”
“Ok that is funny. I have to admit nobody ever used that one before…”
“No really it is me. Look outside. You now have a Porsche.”
“Wow that’s awesome! I guess you do exist.”
“Yup.”
“Hey the Porsche is gone, and my old car is back.”
“Sorry I couldn’t let you keep it. Those are the rules.”
“Aw man.”
“Be glad you aren’t Job.”
“So God, why are you calling me?”
“I was hoping you would be interested in donating money towards creating a family-oriented recreational center at the site where Eden used to be.”
“You want to make Eden into a theme park?”

“Well let’s not call it that. I prefer the term experience.”
”You can’t do that you are God! Exploiting people is for humans to do.”
“Where do you think you got that from, your mother’s side?”
“Hmm.”
“Look ten minutes ago you didn’t think I was real. Now you are trying to tell me how I should run things?”
“Ok ok.”
“Besides, it is not like I just started doing this. The Bible, for example is a collection of stories that already existed in earlier cultures.”
“Wait a minute, are you saying that you recycled old stories, repackaged them and mass marketed the whole thing?”
“Guilty.”
“Wow.”
“So, about that donation…”
“Do you take Visa?”

humor-blogs.com doesn’t know if it will donate to the new Eden theme park. But go there to read some very funny blogs.

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I know you have probably seen this before and I didn’t create it but I always found it funny. Oh fyi, it’s R-Rated.

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