Angry Seafood

It is time once again for my monthly advice column based on actual questions from the center of low self-esteem: Yahoo Answers. In the past I have given great advice on subjects like manned missions to the Sun, fifteen-year-old alcoholics, and the supernatural powers of mirrors.

To the woman to our left I would suggest a secretary or at least learn shorthand.

Is there is a homestyle remedy for smelly and sweaty feet?

Yes, it is called soap and water. You can do it in your own bathroom and choose any method you like. Now you have homestyle.

Please explain?

You have low self-esteem as well as a lack of self-confidence if you have to ask total strangers advice. Of course their answers are relevant because they know all about you and what is good for you. Grow a pair and think for yourself. Have I explained enough for you?

If you had nine lives, how would you waste the first eight lives?

I would find eight people who are rich and love to gamble. I would bet each of them $10,000 that I could get hit by a truck moving at 65 mph and live to tell about it. I would also take out six-figure life insurance policies on myself eight times while also creating additional second identities to be the benefactors.

Duh.

How do I host a murder mystery party?

Well that depends on how successful you want it to be. Sure, you could hire actors and make the whole thing up, or take it to the next level and host an actual murder where the guests have to figure out a real crime. People love CSI so doing this will guarantee a hit murder mystery party. Just make sure the victim is someone you can’t stand.

My girlfriend dumped me for someone she met on a cruise?

Repeat after me: Never ever ever ever let your girlfriend go on a cruise or a vacation to somewhere warm and partyish without you. She will cheat on you.

Women, same answer for you. Don’t let your man do this either.

So i HaVe a Bf, ive kNowN hIm FoR like 2 yrs.We’VE beEn 2GeThER fOr 1 MoNtH, im 17, should I tElL my PaReNts?

Holy shit, forget for a moment about the relationship. When are you going to tell your parents you have repeated the fifth grade seven times? I really hope your keyboard is fubared because otherwise my tax dollars will be supporting you in the future.

I predict this question from you in the near future: So mY Bf kNocKeD mE uP, should I tElL my PaReNts?

Coming Tuesday: Log Cake-My Holiday Dessert Recipe (seriously, a real dessert recipe. Very tasty with an odd side effect.)

humor-blogs.com does not give out advice but instead points to funny blogs.

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