Angry Seafood

Welcome to another edition of “When Bloggers Speak” where I interview the authors of, well blogs. We are joined today by Paula from Polliwog’s Pond. Her blog is also a member of the infamous humor-blogs.com directory.

Chris: Welcome to the feature Paula. How are you doing?

Polliwog: I’m thrilled to be here and to take part in this project with you Chris. Just imagine, I’m in the same company as a guy with a really small book, a dude who hands out huge golden cocks, and some freak who likes Vicks Vapor Rub even more than I do. You might as well end the interview project right now. The four of us are pretty much the cream of the crop. Really, Chris. Who you going to interview? Those bozo’s on the HumorBlogs.com list?

C: What really popular blog do you hate the most?

P: I used to really hate Dan’s Blah Blah Blog because he’d get like 300 comments on every post. Then he confided to me that he was really writing them all himself so I had to find a new blog to hate. I chose Bossy. That Bob Dole-esque pattern of speech she uses makes me want to gouge my eyes out with sticks.

C: Which Presidential candidate is the weirdest and why?

P: I pretty much think they all suck except for my girl Hilary. Nobody give me grief about this or I’ll go all kung-fu on your ass. But to be a good sport and answer your question, I’d have to say Duncan Hunter. He’s a Republican, a Lawyer, and a Californian. Enough said.

C: Which fantasy football player has been the biggest disappointment in 2007?

P: Larry Johnson. See, I was hurting for good running back’s this season, and I had lost like five games in a row. I cajoled, dealed and pleaded and snagged Larry in a trade. He then had his best game of the season, got hurt and is out for who-knows-how-long now. Crap!

C: How much has Thanksgiving interfered with Christmas?

P: My whole YEAR interferes with Christmas. I have six kids which means I’m constantly having birthday parties, and then there is Halloween, Easter, Valentines Day and Independence Day. Thanksgiving is the one Holiday I welcome with open arms because it doesn’t involve presents or candy. My preferred way to celebrate Turkey Day is to go to the movies and smuggle a turkey sandwich in my handbag.

C: Is there ever a desire for a maid named Alice in your life?

P: If I had an Alice in my life, I’d be able to go and do the things I really want to do like cure cancer and end poverty. The sun would shine every day and small animals and birds would greet me when I awoke. I’d only eat chocolate and drink margaritas. Yeah, life with an Alice would be good.

C: Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?

P: They shoot tourists, don’t they? No, darlin’ they don’t. You are a little behind the times. My favorite method for dealing with tourists involves a Ron Popeil Pocket Fisherman, a Burger King Guy mask, and some Cheez Whiz.

C: Do you ever get startled by your toaster?

P: I have to buy a new toaster every 6-12 months it seems. They hate me. The last one I threw out, got stuck in the on position, burnt the bread, filled the house with smoke, and set off all the smoke alarms in the house. The kids happened to have a friend over that night too. God only knows what that kid went home and told her parents. Yes, I was making toast at night. Gotta problem with that?

C: Which band had more impact on you in the 80’s Firehouse or Great White?

P: Dude, how old are you? Firehouse put out its first album in 1990, they were not an ’80s band (though technically they formed during 1989). You were being sneaky and trying to trick me weren’t you naughty boy? Great White wasn’t a favorite band of mine in the ’80s. The only thing I remember about them is that I probably cried over some idiot at age 18 while playing their song, “Save Your Love” over and over and over. Oh wait, that was last week.

C: Thanks a lot for taking the time to do this interview Paula. Any parting thoughts?

P: Thanks for having me over Chris. I’ll leave you with my personal motto and the one rule with which I run my life. In the words of the great Harry Truman, “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.”

Paula’s question to the readers: Best dance song, Super Freak or Word Up!?

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