Angry Seafood

If it is Thursday then it is time for my weekly guest post at Radioactive Liberty. It is always about humor, and always about politics.

This week’s post is on the media. Fiar wrote an essay recently about why he doesn’t watch the news. I offer a counterpoint to his contentions.

(If my post is not published yet, try again later. This message is set to auto so it shows up way before my actual column over at RL does.)

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There have been numerous predictions of the end of the world, yet none have come true. I thought I would throw my hat into the ring and make my call:

June 2, 2009

Hopefully I will be working so I won’t waste a day off having to do those last-minute pre-end-of-world chores.

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humor-blogs.com does not condone the world ending.

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Things go well for me usually in life and I have recently concluded that it because God likes me. I don’t bother him with prayer or demands. He does what he wants to do. I do what I want to do. If he exists, then I probably have one of the best relationships you could have with a potentially fictitious deity. It is the laissez-faire approach to God/human relations.

Because of this I get rewarded. Nothing spectacular, mind you, just a problem-free life. Of course my existence is not without its hurdles. Overall I can’t complain and that is because God loves me thanks to my ignoring him. He also comes in for dinner where I work and leaves a very generous tip. We talk politics, this blog, the Red Sox, stuff like that. Let me tell you something, God loves baseball. I keep telling him it is a dinosaur but he comes right back with the “those animals weren’t my idea” line. Of course I am quick with my usual retort “but steroids were!” We laugh and laugh.

On a side note, God is a Padres fan. Go figure.

So why do things go wrong in your life? It is because God hates you. Ok, perhaps hate is a strong word. It is more like he is indifferent. He has a complete lack of feeling towards you. How can he like you when all you do is talk about him non-stop? Can you blame him?

Got laid off from your job? Break your toe on the coffee table leg? God finally got fed up with your lack of subject material and constant rambling on and on about how awesome he is.

Holy shit join a bowling league or something, just get the hell out of the house once in awhile. You want to know why your bible-thumping friends are just like you are? Because nobody else wants to listen to repetitive chatter about God, religion, Jesus, how puppies will be even cuter in heaven, the seventy-two virgins and all that other bullshit.

Your social circle is the only group of people that will tolerate this conversation.

Look, I am not saying to quit religion. Have at it if you like. Just give the rest of the world a break and talk about something else for a change.

(God’s Note: I am not a Padres fan. Go Mets.)

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humor-blogs.com is for both the secular and non-secular. Heathens and gentiles also welcome.

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Nothing says funny like a good parody and surprisingly there are not a lot of Star Wars versions. Here are my top three.

#3 Family Gus Star Wars Episode

I really liked this one and to be honest I was expecting much worse. The show in it’s second run isn’t as funny but this episode was a masterpiece.

#2 Spaceballs

The classic Star Wars parody that is still funny twenty-plus years later. Say the line ‘funny, you don’t look druish’ and someone will know what you are referring to.

There is a commentary by Mel Brooks on the anniversary DVD which is not to be missed. I know, usually they are boring but this one is funny.

#1 Star Wars III: A Lost Hope

How the hell is this number one? Many reasons including the fact it came out four months before the movie was released. To do a parody without knowing the plot and getting most of the storyline right is masterful. The pregnancy test, ‘No I am your baby’s daddy!’ line are just more reasons why this one beats them all as best Star Wars parody.

Honorable mention: Hardware Wars. Part One Part One

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