Angry Seafood

Every Thursday is my guest post at Radioactive Liberty. It is always about humor, and always about politics.

This week I tackle the standup comics’ infamous joke ‘The Aristocrats’ from a political viewpoint.

I have to warn you though, it is obscene and very dirty but that the purpose of the joke is to be as offensive as possible.

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“…there will be no sperm in ejaculation. That day is coming.”

A scientist on a show on History Channel talking about a male birth control pill.

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Get a dead mouse, and tie it to a string. Then go to a random house and hang it up in their doorway. Don’t right the bell or anything.

Now this may seem messed up, which it is. But think about if you walked out your front door in the morning to go to work and were greeted by a dead mouse hanging there. Sure it would freak you out for a minute or two, and it might brush up against your face which would be kinda gross.

Wouldn’t the next question that pops in your head be ‘why’?

If that were me I would be wondering about it for days. Why would someone do that? What does it mean? Did they kill the mouse first before stringing it up?

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Welcome to another edition of “Humor Bloggers Speak”. Every other week I interview an author from the fine assortment of funny people on humor blogs.com.

We are joined today by Lord Likely from The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely.

Chris: Welcome to the feature Lord Likely. How is everything going?

Lord Likely: Good day, sir! Do you mind awfully if I just loosen my trousers a bit? I find it better facilitates the question answering process. Ah-hah! That is much more agreeable. My ‘Lord Palmerston’ needs room to breathe, sometimes. Now, where were we? Ah, yes. Everything is going swimmingly, thank you very much. Most swimmingly indeed!

C: What is worse then befriending a Frenchman?

LL: I suppose the only thing worse than befriending a Frenchman is BEING a Frenchman. Imagine the horror a Frenchman must feel when he wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and realises he is still French. It must be awful. But there you go, such is life. Or, as I believe the French say, “Surch eees laife”.

C: Your thoughts on All Souls Day.

LL: Arseholes Day? What in damnation is Arseholes Day? It sounds disgusting, yet simultaneously highly erotic.

C: Have you made a choice on what Halloween costume you will be wearing this year?

LL: I shall be dressing up as a Frenchman. Oh, the horror!

C: Who do you think would be the best presidential candidate to spend an intimate night with?

LL: Well, speaking from experience, I can vouch that ‘Honest’ Abraham Lincoln made for a wonderfully considerate and warm lover. Mr. Lincoln emancipated my Lord Palmerston from the confines of my underpants, and I salute him for it.

C: What do you think your future kin are doing in 2007?

LL: I should like to think that the Likely lineage are continuing to do what we Likelys do best; traveling the globe, setting out on astonishing adventures, seducing ladies and getting quite, quite drunk. I just hope they do not wind up sitting on their fat behinds in the House of Lords all day, discussing politics. That would be terrible. Having said that, I have sown my fertile seed in so many hairy fields I dare say that by 2007 half the world’s population could be of Likely stock. And that is quite a thrilling prospect, I am sure you would agree.

C: What is the worst thing about having a man-servant?

LL: Well, my man-servant, Botter, is entirely adequate, but I have to say he does reek rather badly. It is no exaggeration to say that he smells exactly like a dog who has just come in out of the rain. And the rain was made out of effluence. And the dog was on fire. And vomiting. He smells just like that. Also, another wearying aspect of having a servant is their continued instance on being paid. They should perform their services out of love, I feel.

C: Has anyone managed to stay on their feet through a whole orgasm?

LL: I once had intercourse with a female diver, who insisted on keeping her diving boots on throughout the entire sex act. I think that in doing so, she saved herself the indignity of being embedded into the ceiling through the force of my mighty, aristocratic ejaculations.

C: Why would a man on a Harley be wearing a diaper and panty hose?

LL: It would depend entirely on who this ‘Harley’ fellow is of which you speak. From the sound of it, he seems like some sort of sexual deviant. I should like to meet him. Do you have his address?

C: Thanks a lot for taking the time to do this interview Lord Likely. Any parting thoughts?

LL: Would you like to touch my Lord Palmerston? He does not bite, although he may spit in your eye.

Lord Likely’s question for the readers: Some people say that having a family is life’s biggest adventure. Is this true, or are these people talking out of their bottoms?

(Reprinted from former blog)

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