People Do Weird Things

Original Humor by Chris Cameron

10 Sep

Posted on 2007 under Miscellany of Humor |

weird10 Like the man in the photo, human beings have a lot of strange habits. I could probably create a blog dedicated to the subject, but seeing that there are 234,542,657,864,765,123,564 sites already I am pretty sure someone is blogging about it daily. Still, I press on with some of my favorites and ones that interest me most.

Pick their nose at a stoplight

Did you know over half of all Americans do this? And we worry about shaking hands with Sheryl Crow. It is like the interior of a car is being inside a magical invisible thing and nobody outside is able to see you. It is always best to wait until traffic is moving then you can make quick, tactical strikes with surgical precision into the nostril cavity. That is how I approach nose cleaning while driving.

Do you roll the toilet paper down from the inside or the outside?

This is an interesting one to me. Frankly, my concern is whether I wiped enough, not which side the paper rolls down. Now if you want to talk crease or no crease, either you work in the hospitality industry or are obsessive-compulsive.

Reading while going to the bathroom

I don’t know, maybe it started with the Sears Catalog. Before toilet paper was common, you wiped your ass with that. I would imagine that over time, you would rip every page out. But on that first day, man, look at all this stuff!

Today, we have magazine racks, and piles of newspapers in our bathrooms, turning them into really smelly closet-sized libraries. Heck, I just finished reading a great book, all done on the throne. Of course it was not in one sitting.

People who stand too close to you online

Not only are these people making others uncomfortable, but they are usually talkative or fidgety. They can also tend to do things like examine what you are buying as well as trying to start up a conversation with every single person in line. Somewhere in the ‘Be Annoying for Dummies’ book it says that a core principle is breaking other’s personal space, I am convinced of this.

I think I would rather everyone just pick their nose in public then have to deal with these people.

Stage Fright

It’s a guy problem and it’s all mental. Basically it’s the concept that many men have a problem peeing in a urinal when there’s someone else in the bathroom. There is a counter to this, flushing the urinal. The sounds of water flowing and the noise distraction usually is enough to get the works flowing.

Of course the women right now are thinking: “we go to the bathroom in pairs, what’s the problem?” I don’t know what it is, but having experienced it, I think it’s the openness. While you are trying to go the bathroom and figure out what bad pick up lines you will use on that hot blond at the bar, there’s a 220 pound man smelling like Axe, cigarettes and booze standing right behind you, not to mention it has the climate of a tropical rain forest. There’s no door or stall, and there is a lot of pressure on you to do your thing quickly.

It is not just that type of bathroom. Go into any of them during a busy period and you will always find one guy spending ten minutes trying to urinate. It is funny and sad at the same time.

So what weird behavior do you see a lot?

(Reprinted from the former blog)