Angry Seafood

I have decided to give up the fight against the overwhelming evidence that global warming is caused by us. It is absurd to think that the sun is more powerful then humans. We have been around now for tens of thousands of years and we created Wal-Mart and computers. It is silly to think the massive star with its never-consistent amounts of heat would ever have an impact on climate and temperatures. It is us stupid.

So what can we do as humans on this planet to fight this problem?

First off, we are carbon-based life forms and since CO2 is part carbon it must be our fault. The first thing we must do is learn to exhale less. It’s a hard road to take, I know but any journey starts with that first important step. I recommend starting off small, begin by pacing your breathing first at two second intervals, then three, then four until you exhale as much CO2 as you would while sleeping or at rest. But even this might not be enough. I would shoot for a goal of breathing intervals of eight to twenty seconds. With the addition of all the humans in the last decade, this would bring us in line with inhaling and exhaling levels in 1990.

The next step is to reduce farting. All that methane gas is deadly and we don’t really think about its effect on the planet. Our best avenue of approach would be to ban beans, especially the baked kind. Fart jokes must also be eliminated. You cannot hope to achieve this objective if people are reminded of this subject. Farting is like yawning, if someone hears or smells it, they suddenly have the urge to ‘let one go’.

We also need to get the animals involved. All they seem to be doing is adapting to a constantly-changing climate leaving the burden on us to attempt to control nature. I don’t think this is fair. Like asking China to pay their fair share of the CO2 taxes, we need to get these non-humans to foot their share of the bill. After all, they invade our backyards, eat our garbage, and get in the way of our vehicles on the roads and highways. The last thing we need is more freeloading from them.

One final recommendation this site fully endorses is to increase the mileage of vehicles. It has been determined that driving in reverse uses less gas then going forward. I have even tested the theory for six hours in a Jack-In-The-Box parking lot. I used .5 less gallons of gas! In just six hours! Imagine the savings multiplied by seven billion people! (That particular fast food outlet is a perfect test area by the way due to the lack of patrons.)

I am sure there are more ways I can think of to help with the global warming problem. This is just a start but I feel a good one. We all need to get our act together or huge lightning bolts are going to destroy our SUV’s and Bouncy Castles.

We cannot let this happen for the love of God.

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