Hello everyone, my name is Doctor N.C. Heere, noted practitioner of unsolicited consultation. I have been asked to come here to ‘Nothing to See Here’ to assist Chris on the advice section of his fine blog. I told him I would be fine with dispensing my vast knowledge of advice to the fine people at Yahoo Answers as I enjoy my retirement from the field of medicine jet-setting around the world and hobnobbing with the elite.
Today I pen this from the island of Bora-Bora, where a fine breeze is settling in and the local drunks unfortunately are passing by my commode. I really need a new travel agent.
Lets’ get started shall we?
How do you take care of a baby bunny when it has an almost broken neck and leg?
Singed,
Blind in Boxford
By my profession medical deduction I would answer this with a question: did you accidentally step on your pet bunny?
If the answer is yes, then I would say you are probably too stupid to care for anything beyond a cactus. It will be sad to see the bunny go, but thankfully he or she was the only casualty of your innate inability to nurture a living thing. I also highly recommending having your fallopian tubes or testicles removed immediately and be banned from adopting children or even grown adults.
What to wear over baby dresses?
Signed,
Fashionable in Foxborough
Personally, this fine doctor usually goes with something conservative, perhaps a shawl or a sweater. But I am not so sure you are interested in my fashion attire, so I will say that fashion is something personal. Experiment, try and find things that look good to you. If you are like me, most of your women’s clothing will be worn UNDER your actual clothes, so it really is a personal preference.
Does the Ouija Board Work?
Signed,
Sonja from Salem
I think we need to consult the board itself for that answer….y…o…u…a…r…e…d…u…m…b.
Perhaps there is merit to this parlor game after all.
How could Ted Bundy have a girlfriend if he hated women?
Signed,
Confused in Chi-town
I find people like Mr. Bundy to be inspiration to single lonely men who don’t think they will ever find someone. If Ted can do it, anyone can.
Have you ever fallen for someone who doesn’t speak your language?
Signed,
Love-struck in Lebanon
As a matter of fact I have. Her name was Millie and she was from France. Normally I am not attracted to goats, but there was an instant connection as we frolicked in the fields of Paris and made out under the Eiffel Tower. Alas, it was not meant to be as I cannot speak a word of the Parisian language.
How much money would you give me if I was a bum on the streets?
Signed,
Curious in Camden
Well, seeing as I am a man of stature and a noted aristocrat, I would probably kick you in the groin and tell you to get off the property while unleashing my team of trained and food-deprived pit bulls on you. I would then follow that up by firing the head of security at my estate.
I have always wondered: do mirrors have supernatural links? At times I feel I will see a spirit, especially at night.
Signed,
Spooked in Southie
I have had similar experiences. In my youth, I saw a mirror for the first time and I marveled at the sight of the ghostly image stared back at me, echoed my every move. It was frightening. Then I realized it was me. You may have guessed this was self-awareness and you would be correct. The good news is you should experience this epiphany any time now.
At those swim up bars in Mexico, do people pee in the pool? Do you?
Signed,
I.P. Daily
Research has shown that the combination of the water, the food, and the beer leads to the undeniable urge to both urinate and defecate in the pool. Be glad pee is your only problem.
(Reprinted from the former blog)
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