Angry Seafood

It is late one evening in Heaven when God notices the light on in Jesus’ room and figures it is a good time to have a talk.

“Son, when are you going to help with the animal management? The solar variances lately have boosted the growth…”
“Get to the point Dad.”
“It’s time Jesus, to stop trying to make the perfect human.”
“I know it can be done, and I think I’ve finally found a way.”
“How many times must we go down this road?”
“This time it will work, I’m telling you.”
“Like the twenty-five other times?”
“Fine. This is it, my final attempt at making humans. If this fails, I’ll go back to animals.”
“Good. You know they are a much safer bet. They don’t think. So what’s this new one called?”
“Plan Z.”
“That’s not a very exciting name. What about Fred?”
“Umm Dad?”
“Ok, ok, it’s your creation. So why do these humans all look alike?”
“So they don’t fight over their physical appearance.”
“And they are all the same gender?”
“You like that one eh? That should stifle the gay marriage debate.”
“What other fixes do you have in store my Son?”
“The humans don’t have limbs so they can’t fight.”
“Couldn’t they still head butt each other?”
“Hmmm. I better soften their skulls so if they do try it, they will die in the process.”
“Now you are thinking. What about the abortion problem?”
“That was a stickler, but I think I’ve figured out the solution. Any child conceived will just magically materialize immediately after having sex.”
“Right on the bed?”
“Well, no in the next room of course. Cmon, give me a little credit here.”
“Now what about religion?”

Jesus thinks for a long time, pacing the floor in front of God and Fred, hands rubbing a worried brow. After much consternation, Jesus asks God: “So which animal did you say needed the most help?”

(Reprinted from the old blog)

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